I am on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
My relationship is complicated, and my life feels pretty screwed.
Maybe it's all my fault. Maybe it's all his. It doesn't matter anymore.
Staying away from the market. Trading is about my only drive in life now, and I don't want to make a mess out of it too.
11 comments:
Jules,
Been there recently myself. Life is complicated sometimes. Good luck finding yourself. You deserve to be happy.
LT
Take a break Jules. Have a solidary walk in the park. Forget about the market.
(PANDA LOVE!)
=)
LT,
Yes, I get an idea what happened your end. Hope things have gotten better. They always do :-)
Thank you, Sage. I have solo smoke break, which I find extremely therapeutic. If they allow me to light up in the park (definitely have to start looking out for those yellow boxes..), I would love to take a walk there too. :-)
Can't forget the market, but will start letting go - as in not staring at charts 24/7, and watch my trade every millisecond. I'll take a trade when I see a good one. Think scalping has really taken a toll on my mental health...and probably my heart too :-)
PANDA!! MORE, MORE, MORE, PLEASE!!! :-)
How's school, Panda?
Hi Jules,
First of all, let me admit that my wife, P and I have been faithfully following your blog for quite some time, your blog is an interesting read and P and I always find your life fascinating. I finally pluck up the courage to leave a comment or rather write you a letter on your blog after reading of the dilemma that you are facing.
I am not in your shoes so I can’t say that I understand your frustration but I, myself is constantly in an endless struggle with myself on the do and don’t as well as the should and shouldn’t. I came from a background of strict rules with “no questions ask, just do as you are told” upbringing methods. My siblings and I need to deal with our inner demons everyday as my mum pass on almost 18 years ago.
Her passing on left us in a certain way stranded and to put things into prospective, a character flaw. A little something that I realize a few years later, when life seems to be like a tango to me. 1 step forward 2 steps backwards, 1 step forward 3 steps backwards…
My objective is not to share my problems and worries as I think your hands are full. It is easy to keep saying that “Life goes on”, “Take things slow…” etc. but late in the night, it is you yourself that needs to face your own demons. Rather I would like to share how I tackle my issues and in turn hope that I might offer a solution to you. I am very lucky to have found P to be my life partner. Although we are married, we believe that we are together because we WANT to rather then HAVE to due to our vows and legal binding agreements. Great happiness come in when you realize just how lucky you are that you have someone beside you, even if he or she is lying to make you feel good, think about it, at least you have a certain value that is worth making an effort to be lie to.
Through your blog, I had gotten to know that you have siblings, Seabloke and Pilot. Just like you, I have my siblings and during difficult time, I just like to thank the higher power up there that I am not so lonely after all. My siblings and I meet up occasionally but every once in a while, the evil side of me will surface and question their love for me. P suffers my full rage when my wire snaps. With that said, please note I am no MCP, P do not get physical abuse and I do majority of the house work at home…to quote P words, she only just needs to “Sit Pretty at one Corner” So at time I too will grumble on the responsibilities I am taking up at home.
To sum it all out, just be glad that your higher power has given you a fair share of the good stuff in life.
What tradings means to you might not be the same as is to me, but it is my tickets out of my problems. I came to realize several years ago that my friends and I is trap in a circle of endless loops with no solution. Living a fruitful lifes does not include taking up a 30 year loan with endless bills and installments to service. It should be being able to make a choice and freedoms to do what one would desire. So trading is like air to me. P and I share the hate of having to work and dream of a day when we can TFAL. Mr. Woo course is like an answer from the higher power and we have been working towards this dream since then.
Along the way came several interesting person that add in sparkles, like YOU!!!
Your jokes and sense of humor make trading fun and your different method always give P and I a different angle to see our trades.
Whenever you are down, please realized that some where around a corner you have touch someone’s life and have created inspiration to others. Don’t give up!!
Prosper and Live well as Life is suppose to be.
Ogerik
Wow, Ogerik, thanks for taking the time to write me a long letter. It means a lot to me :-)
Yes, I know a little about you and P. I was on your site until you stopped updating for a while. You and P are an enviable couple - the diamond ring caught my attention. LOL!
If I remember correctly, you're not local? When I first came back from my studies, and after D came over to join me, we've had a difficult time. Unlike the many others who were starting out, we were kinda like orphans, having no one but ourselves. It took us 10 years to finally found our footing. Before that, it was just all about making ends meet. Throughout the 10 years, I've never given freedom and choice a thought - they were luxuries to me. Survival was my only goal. I finally quit to learn to trade coz I thought it was about time I embark on a new journey. I have never thought about what trading could do for me. My only objective is to be a good trader. When I trade well, I'm happy.
If you treat trading as a ticket out of a situation you don't want to be in, it's likely going to become your real problem. If you treat it as something that you want to master over time, in time to come, you should reap the benefits it has to offer.
If I read what your wrote correctly, you're not exactly thrilled with your job? Is it coz of difficult superiors, peers, customers, or the nature of the work? Is there a way to trick your mind into overlooking what bothers you about the job? After all, you don't have to love it, you just need it to put food on the table and to accumulate trading capital.
There's always a solution. Sometimes it's just the problem statement that needs rephrasing. You don't have to FEEL trapped. Take it a day at a time, and keep your eyes on your goal - the things that frustrate will gradually fade into the background.
So your goal is to trade for a living. What is it that you can start doing now to get there? Besides knowledge, you need experience too. And in order to get the experience, well, you'll have to start to trade of course. To trade, you'll need capital. And where do you get your capital? Your job of course. And you have one. So you're not really trapped, are you? You're moving forward, albeit slowly (yup, just what you SO want to hear LOL!).
A thousand people can tell you the same thing a thousand times each, but you're not going to say "Ah-Ha" until you look back years from now, and see how far you've gone.
By the way, do you know how many years it takes Mother Nature to make a single diamond? :-)
biggie, read your reply to Ogerik and apply the optimistic part to yourself k? ;o)
I think mother nature took 2secs to make a 5carat diamond. But it took us humans 3 billion years to find it >_<
Sea,
It takes bil of years to make it, and less than 2 secs for any woman to say "YES, I WILL". LOL!!
i'd take more than 2secs. I need to ascertain the clarity and "caraty" of the diamond before saying "i do, i do, i will".
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