It's Sunday, 10pm here, and he's still at work in his office. Drills of some kind. When he left his morning, he hadn't told me at what time he would be home, and I didn't ask. I slept through lunch, woke up and continued to work on my charts. Came dinner time and not a word from him. So I text to ask if he was actually having dinner in his office. He called to apologize for forgetting time. I said it was alright and that I would have dinner alone.
It's days like this that bring back all the haunting memories of last year. During last year's drill, he had called her a number of times (it was a 2-day event where he camped out in his office). It's strange how people can somehow find time for those they are truly interested in, no matter how crazily busy they claim to be. And it's amusing how on the same day, I nearly fell down 27 floors trying to save his precious armani jeans. He didn't call me even after I text to tell him I finally found out how people fall to their death retrieving their laundries.
Mum called last night for the umpteenth time, and I finally picked up. We chatted a little about me, but I really wasn't in the mood to discuss my "depression" (she keeps thinking that I am sick, simply coz I stay indoors 24/7, and shun any kind of human contact). When she started talking about gremlins, that was when I got chatty. She had lunch with Seabloke and the girls recently, at a place that the girls called "Yee Yee's haunt" (I bring them there for blueberry pancakes whenever Seabloke's out of town), and asked me if gremlins are indeed very attached to me. I guess. Which surprised Mum. I'm not supposed to like people. She knows that, especially after I told her that the best part about my current job now is that it doesn't involve any face-to-face interaction with human beings. Then she started to talk about how gremlins are exactly like Seabloke and me when we were little kids. Extremely cheeky, hyperactive, hyper naughty, super talkative, extremely charming. Just nothing like their father (except the charming part of course), Mum said. Then we began to talk about how rascally I was when I was their age. I gather it came as a shock to her that I am today the exact opposite of what they expected me to be. Quiet, emotionless, anti-social, and love the dark (they thought I would grow up to be an entertainer, a social butterfly, just someone delightfully sunny).
I guess I died a long time ago. For years I couldn't understand my existence. Now at least I have something that gets me out of bed at 6 every morning - my charts. I'm tired of disappointing people, and having people disappoint me. I don't think about ever finding love, and I don't envy those who can still appreciate the myths and fantasies surrounding the subject. There's just no room for love in my life. It's fully occupied, perhaps by anger, perhaps by bitterness, perhaps by charts. I might never find out.
But it's ok. We have different things that we live for. I'm glad mine is something that can never hurt me, coz it's so darn DEAD.
I have a partner in life. We work towards the same goal - his parents and our retirement. I am his best friend (I'm going to have to just assume that...I mean, being wildly imaginative and naive was what had kept me going for more than 3 decades), he's my best friend, and he can't live a day without the coffee I make (acquired taste).
It's an uncomplicated life, albeit a little sad sometimes. That's why we stay away from Bollywood movies. They are just a tad too happy (what with the chasing each other around coconut trees and running into each other's arms on the beach...jeez....) for our liking.
Seabloke's visiting tomorrow! I'm happy! As long as she's not serious about DURIANS for lunch!
There's a very small chance that I might not trade tomorrow. Whenever lady facebook comes to mind, bad things happen. My neighbours' cute looking, seemingly harmless poodle poos right at my gate, my pc crashes, my mobile stops receiving messages, and my trades go awry.
I had a good day today. I spent most of it sleeping, and going over FX Madness' archive. He has amazing clean charts and a clear head. Recommended read.
It's days like this that bring back all the haunting memories of last year. During last year's drill, he had called her a number of times (it was a 2-day event where he camped out in his office). It's strange how people can somehow find time for those they are truly interested in, no matter how crazily busy they claim to be. And it's amusing how on the same day, I nearly fell down 27 floors trying to save his precious armani jeans. He didn't call me even after I text to tell him I finally found out how people fall to their death retrieving their laundries.
Mum called last night for the umpteenth time, and I finally picked up. We chatted a little about me, but I really wasn't in the mood to discuss my "depression" (she keeps thinking that I am sick, simply coz I stay indoors 24/7, and shun any kind of human contact). When she started talking about gremlins, that was when I got chatty. She had lunch with Seabloke and the girls recently, at a place that the girls called "Yee Yee's haunt" (I bring them there for blueberry pancakes whenever Seabloke's out of town), and asked me if gremlins are indeed very attached to me. I guess. Which surprised Mum. I'm not supposed to like people. She knows that, especially after I told her that the best part about my current job now is that it doesn't involve any face-to-face interaction with human beings. Then she started to talk about how gremlins are exactly like Seabloke and me when we were little kids. Extremely cheeky, hyperactive, hyper naughty, super talkative, extremely charming. Just nothing like their father (except the charming part of course), Mum said. Then we began to talk about how rascally I was when I was their age. I gather it came as a shock to her that I am today the exact opposite of what they expected me to be. Quiet, emotionless, anti-social, and love the dark (they thought I would grow up to be an entertainer, a social butterfly, just someone delightfully sunny).
I guess I died a long time ago. For years I couldn't understand my existence. Now at least I have something that gets me out of bed at 6 every morning - my charts. I'm tired of disappointing people, and having people disappoint me. I don't think about ever finding love, and I don't envy those who can still appreciate the myths and fantasies surrounding the subject. There's just no room for love in my life. It's fully occupied, perhaps by anger, perhaps by bitterness, perhaps by charts. I might never find out.
But it's ok. We have different things that we live for. I'm glad mine is something that can never hurt me, coz it's so darn DEAD.
I have a partner in life. We work towards the same goal - his parents and our retirement. I am his best friend (I'm going to have to just assume that...I mean, being wildly imaginative and naive was what had kept me going for more than 3 decades), he's my best friend, and he can't live a day without the coffee I make (acquired taste).
It's an uncomplicated life, albeit a little sad sometimes. That's why we stay away from Bollywood movies. They are just a tad too happy (what with the chasing each other around coconut trees and running into each other's arms on the beach...jeez....) for our liking.
Seabloke's visiting tomorrow! I'm happy! As long as she's not serious about DURIANS for lunch!
There's a very small chance that I might not trade tomorrow. Whenever lady facebook comes to mind, bad things happen. My neighbours' cute looking, seemingly harmless poodle poos right at my gate, my pc crashes, my mobile stops receiving messages, and my trades go awry.
I had a good day today. I spent most of it sleeping, and going over FX Madness' archive. He has amazing clean charts and a clear head. Recommended read.
4 comments:
Completely agree with Bollywood movies being over-the-top singy-dancy-happy :) Try watching "The Tournement" - could be up your street judging by the sharp shooter pic on the right hand side here.
Btw these kind of posts by you always get me thinking: Wonder when she'll put out a book, sure many'd enjoy it.
Ahhhh... it so soothes my ego seeing my nick up there on your post...
LOL! FXP, I shall send my scripts to Bollywood!
The Tournament? You got me curious. Will check out. :-) That sharp shooter is the lead character in "Flashpoint". One of my favorite series. I like it almost as much as I like 24 :-)
By the way, I was buying cable too the whole day LOL!!
Sea,
your ego should really be swelling now that your pics are up too! LOL!
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