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Yesterday was the first day since July 14 that I went out (not counting the day I went back to my old home for an hour and then came straight back to my shell after that).

Was supposed to have breakfast with Seabloke, but she couldn't make it. Was supposed to have lunch with Ken, but I overslept and didn't make it.

But I'm proud I made it to coffee with JD. I was early and even had some time to catch up on my reading while waiting for him.

Now, how do I even begin to describe JD? He's 11 years younger, and I knew him when he was coaching my batch at the AKLTG's Patterns of Excellence Program.

I always tell JD that for someone his age, he's got a really old soul. And he's one of the rare few that somehow is able to get me to step out my house to get some sun.

Even my granny couldn't get me to leave my house to visit her...

Anyway, we spent more than 3 hours just chatting over coffee and hanging out at the bookstore.

When it was time for me to leave for M's class, JD took a train with me, alighted with me, and walked me to the building where M's class was held.

At first I was amused that he actually thought I could lose my way.

But I was grateful he did, coz if not for him, I really wouldn't have found the building. Yes, I'm hopelessly lost in the country that I've lived for 23 years.

Class was very fruitful. D couldn't make it coz he had to work. The plan was for him to pick me up after he knocked off, but he was still in his meeting when class was over. I decided to wait for him, coz I doubt I knew where I could get a cab, and because my heels (not been in them for the longest time!) were killing me, there was no way I could walk aimlessly til I could get one.

M was very nice and waited with me.

D didn't take long to arrive. We had a smoke before we got into the car. I couldn't stop talking about my day.

Perhaps JD is right. I do need to see some human beings. It's gotten to the point that I actually felt nervous on the streets. In class, I had to put my bag on the chair next to me to prevent anyone from taking that seat coz I wasn't sure I could stand having a stranger sitting that close to me for 2 hours.

I knew that something's seriously wrong with me when weeks ago, I had what seemed like the onset of a panic attack, just from shopping with D. It was the Great Singapore Sale and the crowd overwhelmed me.

I gather I'm never going to be able to return to corporate life. One day out of the house, and I was thoroughly drained. I slept throughout after seeing D off this morning.

I'm happy with my life now. I love what I'm doing, coz I love to analyze things to death, and I love not having to interact with people. I have loving siblings, and a small circle of very good friends that never fail to warm my heart, and D, who's always going to be my best friend.

I don't remember a time that I really hated my life. I've turned my world upside down, but it's my world nonetheless. And I can't hate it. No matter how upset I could get sometimes, I always feel that things could only get that bad - much like those days when people kept talking about the market having seen its bottom, yet each day saw a lower low and the market never stopped churning out optimists.

If someone were to ask me, I would say that the only regret in my life thus far, is that my existence has not been of value to anyone. I love to be in my own world so much, and embrace my values and my likes and dislikes so much, my life has had no room for others. I did as I wished, and lived as I wished. I love my freedom so much, I wouldn't give the world a new life. But well, the world is over-populated as it is now anyways...

And if someone were to ask me, I would say that the only past that I can't cherish, is the one where I've turned others' world topsy-turvy, and, scarred the blameless.

Other than that, I have no complaint.

Being a Christian, I believe that my life is truly blessed.

So do I believe in happily ever after still?

Yes, I do.

I believe, and I know, that everyone can live happily ever after, if only he/she would choose to.