MindFrames

Following Solfest's post on MBTI, Ed put up an interesting post on Mindframes (A godsend!), I have been feeling listless the whole day, and took the test.

This is moi (why am I not surprised that the activity that has the lowest priority on my list is "Relating to outgoing, fun-loving people; initiating friendly conversation; talking about personal experiences and feelings; telling jokes and stories; lending a helping hand; spontaneously getting involved in parties, shopping and trips; participating in team sports that require quick reactions"???):

A happy, fulfilling life doesn’t just happen. You make it happen. When activities suit your personality, they feel natural and comfortable. You do them willingly, and you do them well. On the other hand, activities that don’t suit you may seem tedious. If these things are important, and you avoid them or don’t give them your full attention, you could create problems for yourself and others.

Consider the following typical life activities, which are organized according to your MindFrames scores. While you're likely to find the most often used activities comfortable, you'll probably be interested in only a few of the less frequently used ones.

Very often

CONTROL. Relating to bold, action-oriented people; speaking in a matter-of-fact way; staying calm, cool and collected and handling emergency situations; taking charge and going with what works; doing what's required and being on time; being the expert in using equipment, gadgets and technology; showing others how to do practical tasks; pursuing physically challenging activities.

INSIGHT. Relating to sincere, imaginative and intuitive people; appreciating culture; listening to understand behavior, motives and feelings; reflecting about right and wrong; enjoying stories about character; seeking insights from art, literature and religion; trusting hunches; spending time in meditation or prayer; pursuing improvement of mind, body and spirit.

---

Often

PROACTIVITY. Relating to accomplished, professional people; speaking with a purpose; cultivating a network of supporters; discussing business and scientific issues; sharing opinions and theories; debating opinions, concepts and ideas; explaining and critiquing; negotiating; operating with a goal and a plan; playing competitive games to win.

---

Sometimes

LOGIC. Relating to serious, realistic people; listening for the purpose; evaluating thoughts before speaking; analyzing cause and effect; seeking answers; wanting to know why—explanations and principles; reading books and articles to acquire new knowledge; enjoying stories about science, technology or problem solving; playing games of strategy.

---

Rarely

CHARISMA. Relating to people who have similar values and beliefs; sharing wisdom and insights; discussing moral or ethical issues; encouraging friends; devoting time to worthy causes; helping create change or improve conditions; collaborating with committed people; speaking with animation and flair to promote and persuade; performing in front of audiences.

ORDER. Relating to down-to-earth, practical people; remembering names, dates and other details; being precise and thorough; following rules and instructions; assembling, constructing and fixing things; taking a step-by-step approach; learning to use tools, gadgets and machinery; participating in activities that use such gear.

SENSITIVITY. Relating to gentle, caring people; being loyal to friends; sympathizing with their needs; noticing the little things; reacting instinctively; showing emotions easily; observing and learning by trial and error; going with what feels comfortable; remembering sensory impressions; seeking hands-on activities that involve the senses, such as gardening, cooking, crafts, etc.

SOCIABILITY. Relating to outgoing, fun-loving people; initiating friendly conversation; talking about personal experiences and feelings; telling jokes and stories; lending a helping hand; spontaneously getting involved in parties, shopping and trips; participating in team sports that require quick reactions.

Call It Whatever You Want

Since the last time I published my PnL, I've been trading daily and getting mixed results. I TRY to feel happy about winning days, and take a more conservative approach after losing days, to no avail. Once I realized that daily PnL no longer tells me anything I don't already know about my progress, I stopped caring about that figure at the end of the day.

I've known for a long time now that I need to see continual improvement in anything I do for me to want to continue to do it. Patience has never been one of my virtues. I know that trading is hard, but it can't be so hard that one can't expect to make quantum leaps in a year, or 2. And that's what I'm looking for: quantum leap.

I've stopped reading trading books, and I've stopped visiting all blogs authored by doctors, and any blog that attempts to educate. Ever since I started trading, I've hardly followed conventional advices regarding trading, and I had made money (Yes, I am aware that 2008 was a year that many made money thanks to the crazy volatility, but hey, has any one of them attributed their success last year to volatility?) So, I'm going to continue to assume that many who make a darn good living teaching others how to trade don't actually trade themselves, and therefore know nothing about the real world of trading.

What I've found is that the best traders are mostly unknown and QUIET (not that they don't talk, they just don't attempt to teach and preach and get paid for doing that). Celebrity trainers talk a lot of crap. They are uninspiring at best. Listen to them, you'll take 10 years to see progress, if you don't give up by year 5.

I'm quite done complaining. The thing is, it's not anyone's fault that I'm frustrated. I was writing to someone on my blogroll earlier today, telling her that I'm the kind that ran before I learned to walk (actually, I never crawled and was always carried around, and then at 20 month old, I got up to walk) - and that's the way I am, and who I will always be. I can't be happy unless I'm absolutely the fastest and the best.

And I know without a doubt that to be a great trader, the first thing that I have to do is get rid of 90% of the books that I have read on trading, and stay away from negative people.

Since I started last year, I've never had a break of more than 3 days in a row. So I'm going to give myself a short holiday, and the time to think things through.

And since I'm not going to be trading, I'm turning my comments on.

So, go ahead, call me a moron.

Emini Live Trading

Michael Woo (my trading coach) is conducting free previews this weekend for his emini course. The course includes a 6 - 12 month live trading sessions.

Michael has more than 20 years of trading experience under his belt, and he teaches slightly differently in his emini course from his trading basic courses. He will show you exactly how he trades, when he uses and not uses a specific system (Michael is a discretionary trader - he doesn't sell any systems or trading signals - in fact, after his course, you will start receiving free alerts from him on options and stocks and a whole list of other stuff).

Once you've signed up, you can keep going back to his classes without having to pay additional fees. You pay only ONCE - no paying for new material and notes, etc, and you can do it via monthly installment.

Michael charges - to the best of my knowlege - the most affordable fees in the region (something along the line of 30% of the most costly (NOT the best, just the most expensive) course in town) which I think is a godsend - too many people who haven't the slightest clue if they are going to be getting anything from the market are paying through their nose for one-day seminar and trading courses lasting a few sessions).

Michael is mainly a trader, then a teacher (he trades EVERY SINGLE weekday and trades through the ENTIRE US session - so you can trust that he has the most updated knowlege about the market).

Michael has a very calm and relaxed disposition - something I wish I have as a trader. Michael will tell you things you will NOT hear from the typical trading guru - with the right attitude, you will benefit tremendously from his class.

I was at his class to take some pictures (a few dozens actually), and would have posted them along with this posting had I had the pictures uploaded on my pc. Unfortunately, I haven't had the chance to.

Anyway, if you live in Singapore, do check this out:

FREE PREVIEWS FOR TFAL E-MINI INDEX FUTURES COURSE

Sat 22 Aug 2009…..2.00pm to 4.00pm

Mon 24 Aug 2009…..6.30pm to 8.30pm

Place: #08-12 Burlington Square
175A Bencoolen Street

6J Trades 8/19 (Wed) - The Better Trades

J took a small loss on the ES. He said he had learned from my 6J loss...

I'm glad I saved someone some money.

Chart below shows the 2 trades that I let run for 1 point and above (purely for my own reference):

6J Trades 8/19 (Wed) - Finale

I was extremely near to shutdown mode today.

Half way into salvaging my trade, I wrote MVW. That tells me I was truly desperate. I usually don't do anything else when I'm in trade. But since I was sitting on a 1k loss, I didn't think my taking a few minutes to write would make too much difference.

I was short 6J (definitely a bias - I've been wanting to short it back down to 10400 for the longest time), but of course yen was up, up, up all the way, while the indices were sliding down throughout (yes, negative correlation back again , perfectly in sync - one goes up , the other one goes down seconds later and vice-versa). I had pinned a lot of HOPE on the various resistance levels to stop 6J, and then I realized that the 6J was just going to keep breaking out coz it was in a perfect uptrend!

I decided to cut my loss.

Took me 4 winning trades to recover 40% of the USD 965 loss.

And then, like one of those days that I kept waking up from a nightmare only to realize that I was still in the same nightmare that I was dying to wake up from, I had to hit "sell" twice when I was covering my winning long, effectively selling something that was SHOOTING UP.

It was the most terrible feeling I've had to endure ever. Having a gun pointed in my face didn't feel half as bad. It was a tough enough battle to have to go in 5 times after taking a near 1k loss (which I sat on from 8am til 5pm just staring at those candles and the DOM!!! At one point, I found myself PRAYING to God, and then felt absolutely dumb! Coz really, if everyone's praying, who is God going to respond to??), and just when I could reduce a near 8 point loss to a 4 point loss, I had to hit the wrong price on the DOM, and hit it TWICE.

The only thing on my mind after that was to keep VERY, VERY calm and wait for price to do its usual on the 2nd huge candle after a breakout (going up and down wildly). Saw the absolute lowest that 6J hit and I hit the bid a tick above. Got out at 3 tick loss. 6J continued moving up for 3 points without turning back. That's what I would call a near death experience.

I'm asking myself too why I had refused to scratch my losing trade, or cut loss at 1 point (by then I already knew that 6J was not ready to plunge - I just had no idea it would break above multiple resistances!).

My guess is that it's pride.

Today's the day that I was at my absolute worst and my absolute best (I called gremlins in the middle of my losing trade to wish them a happy birthday, and chatted with them for a while, and that had made me happy - never mind that they didn't sound all that thrilled...I had interrupted their play time...hur...hur..hur).

Today is also the day that I finally know without a doubt what trading is all about TO ME.

From now on, I'll work with NO daily profit target (and I will go in anytime throughout the day when I see something ie. I'm not setting a limit to the number of trades I take per day), and instead of having a daily loss limit, I'm scratching my trades the moment that price doesn't do what I expected it to do. For my 5 post-1k-loss trades (one was a scratch at 4 ticks loss), I had gone in each time totally ready for market to do the opposite of what I thought it would do. And those were some of my best trades!

No more reporting on my PnL (Not even to D. And I told D that he's NOT capping my profit and loss anymore). No more 5k project. No more fixed schedules and constraints. I'm absolutely going to get the maximum that I can get from the market each day. And whenever I double my account, I'll see what I'll do then. If I feel that I'm good enough to double my contracts, I will do that.

I will from now on trade according to who I am, and what I believe in - and I really don't care if everyone else thinks it's idiotic, willful or suicidal.

For the last time:

Total: - USD 600

Ed's Blog

Ed has something on his blog that's PRICELESS: http://edsfreedom.blogspot.com/2009/08/gladiator-xs-trading-tips.html

Garbage Trades, Sweet D & Peerless Gremlins

So here I was, sitting by my screen everyday from 5/7am to 6pm, watching my charts, then resume watching at 9pm all the way to 12/2am, and the best setups just had to come during the time that I had to do my household chores, get dinner, and show my cats and D some tender loving care.

This has happened just way too often. I'm thinking that maybe I should start to JUST WATCH & DO NOTHING until 5pm (5am N.Y. time) when market starts behaving a little less erratic and schizophrenic.

D just called from his office to see how I was doing. I complained about having taken "garbage" trades AGAIN. D's response cracked me up. He said that it's good to recycle, and that if I can make money from garbage, I should do well with the more quality stuff. D's the sweetest - for a while now - and he's made me promise to REST on weekends and resume my skating routine (I used to skate in the evening 2 to 3 times a week - it's been a whole year since I last skated!).

Tomorrow is gremlins' birthday! The elder twin REMINDED me last week. She demanded very specifically for a birthday card only (no gifts, she said, just a card). The challenge: she wants a non-Hallmark, DIY card!!! She wants me to draw a picture of her and her sister. I'm in trouble. The only thing that I can draw is a very nice heart...and some ugly birds and flowers....

"You WILL write on the card "I love TT (the older twin), and on WW (younger twin)'s card, you WILL write "I love WW"".

It's apparent gremlins have my family's genes and none of their father's (one of the kindest, most gentle, most blasé men I've met).

Update (I WANNA CRY!):

6J Trades 8/18 (Tues)

Total: USD 162.50

4 Trades: 1 loser (long), 1 scratch @ breakevn (short), 2 winners (both long)

On chart above: Red double arrow shows losing trade; Blue for winning; Pink for scratch

The 1st trade was an attempt to take a scalp (judging by the steepness of the trendline, I was not expecting price to do a really decent pullback) - then I regretted entering a long just coz I missed that plunge down (to get that kind of breakout trades, I have to be up at 5am to go over my charts, and then wait for market to open at 6:30am - I was up at 7am today coz D stayed up last night, and then a 2am call from his men woke us!!!), and covered at 8 ticks loss when I couldn't focus on what price was doing.

The 2nd trade was an attempt to recover my loss. Again, couldn't focus, and scratched my trade when price stalled.

The 3rd trade was attempt #2 to get my money back! Covered near resistance, and when tape showed that buyers were no longer interested in chasing price up.

4th trade was an attempt at trading my signals properly. But I guess I don't know my indicator all that well, and it was only after I bailed at + 5 ticks (I'd call that a scratch - I had expected the strong bull candle to break at least 2 trendline resistance (blue dotted line) but that didn't happen) that I noticed what I had overlooked initially. Well, I can't possibly see everything there is to see, and make a decision based on what I see, all in a matter of minutes. Fortunately for me, I've gotten used to the crazy tape, which has been saving my trades (for weeks now, the indices have been a really good contrarian indicator...but since last night, the negative correlation between the 6J and the indices is GONE...so I was kind of groping my way in and out of trades a little today).

Experience tells me that now's the time to stop.

I've been watching the ES, and was going to take a short at 986, until I saw the tape. J and I were talking about how 2 persons can trade the ES at the same time and at the same level - with one of them going long, the other going short, both aiming for a point, and both will get their one point (yes it did happen either last night or the night before). That is what most will call "forgiving". I simply call that robots trading or blackbox trading. I prefer to trade with humans.

Another reason that I have to give up ES for now is that my R:R ratio for the ES is extremely unappealing in the current market. I was looking at my ES trades in the past, and noticed that most of my winning trades were those that came with a wide stop - the kind of stop that I cannot give to a single ES trade now if I were to take the "5K" startup into consideration.

I'm playing by the rules for once.

I deserve a pat on my back.

D, you know what to do!!!

My charts and trading log are both up coz I don't know how else to blog about my day. I'm sure I'll come up with something...along the way...

6J & TF Trades 8/17 (Mon)

Total: USD 195

NQ 5min, TF 5min, 6J 5min

Am definitely making an effort to post my daily PnL and charts only at the end of the week.

Daily postings tend to make me feel like I should trade everyday, and that I should only have GREEN days.

Posting everyday also makes it difficult for me to hang on to winning trades (I did give up holding my first 6J trade today - and ended up scratching after price went 2 points in my favor only to go back temporarily to my entry point - I was aiming for support way below, a very decent 2.5R profit target), and I'm thinking that it's possible and very probable that it's a habit I've cultivated when I was serving in the public sector (complete a perfect report/paper way before deadline, move on to the next assignment, finish the entire year's work way before the end of the year, and bombard my superior with new and impractical ideas).

Today's 6J chart and tape are not any better than last week's (specifically, on the 2 FOMC days). I should have stayed out. But I chose not to. Yes, I am stubborn, and since that's the way I like myself, I'll live with it, and change the way I trade instead. Among the things I did differently was the managing of my stops. I was not as uptight about stop losses as I was last week, and that makes my life a whole lot easier. When I used a 2.5 point stop today, it was a choice I made right at the beginning, and was prepared to part with my money. Last week, I was most reluctant to give a 2.5 point stop (once I hit D's weekly profit target - and D's kinder to me than I am to myself - my stops are no longer a percentage of my capital, but a percentage of my winning for the week) until I was stopped out at a few TICKS so many times, I got fed-up and finally allowed my trade the room it needed - AT THE WRONG TIME.

Having said that, I'm still not risking more than a specific percentage of my 5k capital for each trading DAY.

No posting of charts and PnL for the rest of the week, until the end of the week. Am really curious about how that's going to affect my trading.

Fat88 Trader, Anthony, Me, & "NOT FAIR"

A blog that I have enjoyed reading:
http://fat88trader.blogspot.com/

Author shares about trading from the arcade, which I find refreshing. And, he likes Lee Kuan Yew (my role model)!

I'll be back posting here from next week on. I'll talk about my day but there will be NO posting of trading logs or PnL on a daily basis. Trading logs and PnL will be posted at the end of week, together with my updated account statement. I'll post charts on INDEX futures only should I trade them.

My comment section will remain deactivated.

My broker (quite a celebrity now!) has sent me something that he's seen on other trading blogs that he suggests that I include on mine too: a DISCLAIMER. He's enclosed in his email a version that I could almost insert wholesale here. He's the sweetest.

A song that I'm ABSOLUTELY crazy about now (catchy tune, melodious arrangement, wickedly hilarious and witty lyrics, extremely talented and lovely singer/song writer who has a few other equally wacky numbers that are actually very pleasant to the ears):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xfv52SEgCNA&feature=channel

Not Fair lyrics

Oh, he treats me with respect, he says he loves me all the time
He calls me fifteen times a day, he likes to make sure that I'm fine
You know I've never met a man who's made me feel quite so secure
He's not like all them other boys, they're all so dumb and immature

There's just one thing that's getting in the way
When we go up to bed, you're just no good, it's such a shame
I look into your eyes, I want to get to know you
And then you make this noise and it's apparent it's all over

It's not fair and I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean, I think you're really mean
Oh, you're suppose to care
But you never make me scream, you never make me scream

Oh, it's not fair and it's really not okay
It's really not okay, it's really not okay
Oh, you're supposed to care
But all you do is take, yeah, all you do is take

Oh, I lie here in the wet patch in the middle of the bed
I'm feeling pretty damn hard done by, I spent ages giving head
Then I remember all the nice things that you ever said to me
Maybe I'm just overreacting, maybe you're the one for me

There's just one thing that's getting in the way
When we go up to bed, you're just no good, it's such a shame
I look into your eyes, I want to get to know you
And then you make this noise and it's apparent it's all over

It's not fair and I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean, I think you're really mean
Oh, you're supposed to care
But you never make me scream, you never make me scream

Oh, it's not fair and it's really not okay
It's really not okay, it's really not okay
Oh, you're supposed to care
But all you do is take, yeah, all you do is take

There's just one thing that's getting in the way
When we go up to bed, you're just no good, it's such a shame
I look into your eyes, I want to get to know you
And then you make this noise and it's apparent it's all over

It's not fair and I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean, I think you're really mean
Oh, you're supposed to care
But you never make me scream, you never make me scream

Oh, it's not fair and it's really not okay
It's really not okay, it's really not okay
Oh, you're supposed to care
But all you do is take, yeah, all you do is take

"Project 5k" Week #2 - Account Statement & Trading Logs

All PnL in TICKS:

"Project 5k" Week #1 - Account Statement & Trading Logs

Update: I had accidentally left out Monday's ES trades; the original trading log was from part 1 of the day, and I've replaced it with the end-of-day log (see 1st DOM below). Correct PnL is USD 1092.

Daily Statement As At July 31st


Daily Statement As At Aug 7th

Below shows my trades and PnL from Day 1 of my "5K" project. On my private blog, I've shown on daily basis my charts and analysis. At times I would post an open position. Which is the reason why I have reservations about posting on this blog.

I've indicated that I'll be posting my weekly statements, but after learning from D that my monthly statement shows details of each and every trade that I've taken within the month, I've decided to publish my monthly statements instead of weekly ones. As such, I might or might not continue to post here on a weekly basis. We'll see.

My PnL for Week #1 of my project:
380 + 162 + 150 -125 + 525 = USD 1092

There's been a personal issue that's been eating me during the whole week. It's Pilot's wedding. It's going to be held abroad, and I can't attend because of so many reasons. I love my siblings, but I have constraints in life that do not allow me to show simple acts of love that is simple in the eyes of many, but complicated for me personally. I know I will always be there for the ones I love when they are in TROUBLE. And I wish I'll never regret my decision to be assertive this time. It tears me to upset Sea and Pilot. And I hope I never have to do it ever again.

I was talking with my broker - Anthony - and he had made several suggestions concerning the opening of my private blog, which I've taken into consideration. I will be sorting this out in the next few weeks. The thing is, I really need to find a balance between wanting to continue to share my journey with all except the biggest jerks, and to maintain an environment that allows me to trade in peace. Again, we'll see.

For this, PnL is in TICKS

Private Blog - Reasons, Reasons, Reasons

I've been receiving emails asking for access to my private blog. Some were from those that were initially in that I've decided to exclude for reasons that I've explained in my previous post.

I'm asking again for your understanding. Being out there in the public not knowing who's reading does something to my psychology; even within a smaller community I was finding it stressful to deal with the increasing number of emails I've received asking very specific questions about my trades (yes, much to my surprise, a smaller community actually gave some the impression that I was ready to "open up").

Rather than responding to each email individually, I'm just going to post my reply here.

As I have mentioned, I am in a phase of "exploration" ie I am doing things differently and instead of focusing on "outcomes" I'm paying more attention to how I go about achieving specific goals while doing my best to manage risk at the same time. Sometimes I know exactly what I'm doing and I'm able to explain why I'm doing what I'm doing; other times I know what I'm doing but am not able to put in words the why's and the how's of my actions, and once in a while I'm just firing away rather aimlessly to see what's going to happen. When I'm doing the latter two, I really don't want to have to explain. Explanation, justifications and rationalizations kill the enterprising spirit in me.

I am really very comfortable in my current "controlled lab environment"; I'm trading calmly despite trading rather differently from before. I'm experimenting with charts that I've not used before and can't even say that I understand, and I'm holding my trades for more than scalp profits. I'm tightening my stops instead of widening them, and am inclined to spend more time managing my trades than looking for entries or sitting on losing trades. I am, for the first time, NOT in a constant state of anxiety, irritability and paranoia.

I have, like a broken record, declared many times that I am NOT a people person. I simply cannot deal with situations where people that do not share my values and beliefs decide - to their own detriment - to invade my space. I would play and replay the incidents in my mind lamenting the actions I had taken to silence them. Lately, I've chosen to ignore mails and comments that annoy me. There are so many things that annoy me - faulty reasonings, negative attitude towards LEARNING, UNREASONALBE coach-bashing (e.g expecting to immediately be able to trade with success upon graduation), the reluctance to exercise one's brain faculty and the expectation to be "spoon-fed" - the list is endless. But of course I've NOT exactly ignored them coz the words, the phrases, the ENTIRE letter/ comment would keep popping up in my mind throughout my trading session.

I can't change how my brain works - it picks up clues and the most minuscule of details and starts wanting to fit the pieces into an appropriate unit within an established system - it asks too many "why's" and "how's" and it's not at all selective as to what needs processing (my brain processes lots of garbage). My mind is a very busy place - so busy it needs drugs to slow it down. But the thing is, I don't want to have to change my brain too much coz it does give me an edge in many aspects of my life.

So instead of attempting to change my brain - which I don't want to, really - I decided to change my environment instead. I am surrounding myself with people that I am COMFORTABLE with, and there is no way that I'm coming out here again in a long time.

I'm giving myself 3 months, maybe 6, to identify and define my trading edge, and to learn to trade with LESS emotions. And when I'm finally able to trade without being readily affected by events unrelated to trading, I will open up my private blog.

Private Blog

I have decided to keep my private blog very private, and regret to inform those that have been given access that I'll now have to remove most of you from my list of invited readers.

What I'm going to be doing is a lot of experiments - yes, I'm REALLY exploring - and I'd much prefer to keep to a very small group of traders that I've gotten to know rather well.

I'm very sorry that I have to do this for now. In time, whenever I feel that I'm ready, I'll open up my private blog for sharing.

TF Trades

After speaking with Michael (refer to previous post here), I decided to take a look at my old friend, the TF. It's just amazingly clear to me what it was doing. I could buy, and I could sell. Market in, market out, and no pondering on exactly where to enter and where to get out. Just the way I used to trade it. All in a few SECONDS work - and I wasn't even intending to trade the US market today. I don't know what to say anymore. A major paradigm shift is in order - back to the previous model!! We'll see.

I'm happy with my private blog. Yes, finally happy. It's a small community - I've invited 50 - I know who they are (based on what they tell me - I choose to be trusting for now), and I think I'm going to be comfortable sharing everything about my "5k project". And those who were too shy to comment before are now starting to talk, and they are GOOD people. I'm a sucker for good people.

In the emails that I've received, some claimed that it took them a while and a lot of courage to hit the "send" button. I understand that in certain cultures, writing to a stranger is...well...a strange thing to do. But I'm no stranger. If you've been reading my blog for a while now, then you know me. If you are REALLY curious about what I'm going to be doing, please drop me an email (julianatse@gmail.com). I might not have the time to reply during this period, but if I don't feel that you're some kind of spy, or that you have ill intentions, and if you are a trader (or someone who's very interested in getting started), I'll send you an invite.

Michael Woo

I took a break and went out with Michael, my trading coach.

We talked about many things. I told him that I have been very afraid these days, and I can't seem to snap out of it. Michael asked what it is that I'm afraid of, and left me with these words to ponder on:

"It's just money"

Michael is one of the coolest, if not absolutely the coolest, trader I've ever met. His are the only trading statements I've seen (trainers and coaches can claim how good they are, but without the statements to support, they can say whatever they want and they aren't going to convince me, not anymore) - and each new batch of students sees his months of trade logs/ statements updated to the last day he receives his statements - and they simply confirm my belief that he is without a doubt good - DAMN GOOD!!

I asked if trading is stressful for him. He said no, unless he's trading other people's money, and if he has to explain his trades as he's making a move (he holds live trading classes).

When trading his own account, Michael's NOT trading scared money. He takes his profit and cuts his losses according to what the market tells him. I take my profits and cut my losses based on the level of adrenaline that has built up in my system.

Unlike many celebrity trainers here in the local scene, Michael's extremely low-profile, grounded, and calm. He trades every single day, throughout the US session. He teaches once a week, and he's probably never going to give it up. His knowlege of the market and the instruments he trades is so deep that if you were to ask him what tells him that the market's going up or down, you'll always get the same answer: INTUITION. That's always good enough for me, coz I'd rather have that than his thesis.

Michael said that my postings from way back showed that I had a different approach towards trading then - I talked about volatility, about emotions in the market and such - and I kind of get where he was going with that.

Somehow, along the way I've veered off course and am now desperately wanting to get back on track.

Something that he suggested, which HPT did too, was to really cut down on the number of hours that I spend in front of my screen. Another thing is to go back to look for my edge - a deep understanding of single instrument. Forget fib, forget waves, and a whole bunch of other stuff, he said.

This will be the umpteenth time that I'm going back to my very old postings to grasp what I was really doing then. Sounds odd, but that's what this is about. I've changed, the way I think about and approach the market and trading have changed - not for the better, unfortunately.

I know that this is going to come out sounding REALLY wrong, but I think it's time that I stop looking TOO HARD for reasons to enter a trade, as well as reasons to NOT trade.

When you try too hard, the market slaps you really hard too. I say this from personal experience.

I remember the words I used to use to describe the market: fluid, dynamic, eccentric, erratic. I accepted the market as such then. These days, I try so hard to make sense of it, to identify the structure that guides it, and the harder I try, the more success evades me.

There are a lot of things that I don't know about the market still, but I know this about me: I need to be cool. Cool like Michael, cool like I was before. Nothing else is going to help me. I need my cool back. I need to go back to NOT being able to explain my trades. Yes, it sounds wrong. But what was seemingly wrong had worked for me, and everything that's seemingly "correct" and "proper" hasn't.

Update:

D is a super fast learner. I shared with him exactly what I had written above, an hour before market open, and I wasn't even sure he understood my babbling.

But he apparently did.

He just took 2 points on the ES. FOR THE FIRST TIME, D took 2 points!!! D usually flees with 3 ticks!!!

THANK YOU!!!

(Update: As I'm going to be using my gmail account to compile the list of emails that I will be sending invites to, would appreciate it if you can send your email to gmail account if you're writing me (my yahoo mailbox is jammed by the way, for reasons I've yet to find out). For those that have written, I've already included you on the list. Again, thanks for your emails! Those on my blogroll - you're on the list by default (unless you don't have an email on your profile page, in which case, I would appreciate it very much if you'd send me an email for me to capture your email address), but please let me know if you do not wish to be included.)

My heartfelt thanks to ALL who have emailed me. I've spent the bulk of the day dealing with some frustrating personal issues, and haven't noticed the mails that came in. To the "quiet crowd" that has written me long emails - I am beyond touched, and I wish I could reply to each and every one of you in the next few days. I should be able to, given that I'm going to be trading very light for the rest of this month.

To my fellow countrymen (and women) - I have to say, I am very surprised to be hearing from so many of you. If only you had spoken before the really nasty ones came in....I really appreciate your notes, and to those who have asked specific questions, I will definitely reply in the next 72 hours.

Que Sera Sera & Letting Go

I've decided. I'll be updating my progress on my private blog. This blog will stay in the public realm for good. I'll return to publish my monthly statements, whenever I feel like irritating the hell out of naysayers.

The thing is, trading is a stressful enough activity that calls for 100% concentration and focus from the trader, if he/she wants to be the best that he/she can be, or perhaps even be among THE BEST in the field, and I really don't need any external distractions that will potentially and very possibly jeopardize my vision of being among the best in years to come.

Some might say that it is precisely because that trading is not for the faint-hearted, that those who show signs of being meek, or easily defeated, or "thin-skinned" would be wise to drop the idea of ever becoming a successful trader.

I used to agree, until I realized that trading is not as much about being tough - although toughness, or simply the ability to stay calm in the face of adversity, are no doubt qualities that will make any setbacks that a trader has to face along the way easier to overcome - as it is about being receptive to deviations from expectations and about the continual acquisition of life skills and traits that will help one to not only adapt to such deviations, but actually make the best out of them.

So, what we're talking about is the continual process of learning - about the market, about the trader himself/herself - trading is without a doubt about a lifelong process of self-discovery and self-mastery. Along the way we fall, and then we pick ourselves up , only to fall again, and the cycle is going to repeat itself until the day we quit trading for good. A trader can be tough as hell to begin with, but can fall so bad one day that he's unable to stand up and walk again. Another can be meek initially, but can be toughened by each falls and setbacks to the point that he's always going to be able to pick himself up to continue walking.

Trading is a lot about who you are, yes, but you won't know who you really are until you take your last breath. When you start labeling yourself a "sissy", or believing that you are one just because someone says that you are, and you fight to prove that you are not, early in your trading career - you're unlikely to ever discover who you could have been had you just accepted that you are what you think, and what you think will take time to materialize.

So, I am accepting the fact that I am just not strong enough to deal with annoying people at this phase of my trading career. I am not going to expend what limited energy I have to create an impression of invincibility. I fully acknowledge my flaws - but with these flaws I will continue to move towards my goal - if these are indeed fatal flaws that will impact on my trading, I will find a way, and if I don't, I'll just continue looking. My net worth is a 7-figure number, I live a very simple life, I have no liability, and above all, I am not a gambler, so the odds of me losing my shirt in the process of finding my way are slim.

I know I will never lose my spirit. And THAT is good enough for me.

So, moving forward, what I want to focus on is how to go about achieving my goal and realizing my vision in the most constructive manner possible. And dealing with nasty people is certainly not my idea of a constructive plan.

I have received 4 emails so far - one of them a Singaporean, a really adorable one (thank God for NICE Singaporeans!!!) - and I'm not sure that I'll hear from more. After all, I'm going to be closing doors, when others are looking to connect extensively with others. So, I'll be realistic. What I want is a community, and hopefully I can benefit this community with what I'm going to be sharing. As a matter of fact, I'm positive that I am going to be contributing something, whether or not my project turns out to be a success - coz if it doesn't, it would have been a clear demonstration of what one SHOULD NOT DO as a trader.

I'm not dismissing the possibility of returning to this blog to document the details of my project in the near future - after all, I'm a trader, and I'm entitled to changing my mind a thousand times a day (thanks, J, for the reminder!) - but right now, I'm just too meek for this kind of traffic.

So, here it is, it's QUE SERA SERA that works for me again. It never ceases to amaze me - the fact that how you trade does reflect how you live your life, and vice-versa. But that's as far as I would go; I'm never going to get any more poetic and philosophical about trading.

As I said, I'll leave this blog as it is. If you happen to stumble upon it, and you would like to find out how I've progressed, you're always welcome to drop me an email. I will be sending out invitations beginning next week. My project will commence in Aug as planned.

My latest obsession:

LET GO (Frou Frou)

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow

such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

My Nieces Say That I Should Entitle This "Yee Yee" - It Doesn't Matter - I SPOKE

Something interesting that I found again on my traffic report. It dawns on me that most of the folks from my part of the world are always going to be negative, critical and ignorant. Yes, I can trade 10 contracts with 5K - coz the margin for each contract is $500 (there are many in the US that offer such margins). That said, I did mention that I will be trading a max of 2 contracts. Not that there's anything wrong with trading 10, if you know what you are doing. Leverage is always a double-edged sword.

But I'm talking to numskulls. Why do I even bother?

Oh, yes, coz I can say anything that I want.

I'm setting the record straight - I'm not doing this just to prove someone wrong. This is my plan to start trading with a realistic goal, within a more realistic timeline. The reason that I'm sharing my plan and details of my trading activities and my result is to show those who are just starting out that they can build up their capital STEADILY by achieving small but consistent results. Ok, maybe I'm doing this primarily for myself. I need a public diary to keep me on my toes - 3 years is a long time, and I have a short attention span.

Again, why the hell am I explaining to people who will never see any good in the things that other people are doing, as long as they are NOT the way that they are doing them??

I am taking the weekend to think about going underground with my diary. There are too many people who shouldn't be here that are here wasting their time. Once I'm decided, I will send out invitations to those who are interested in following my progress. Meanwhile, if you have been following my blog, don't hate the way that I trade, don't hate me for who I am, please drop me an email (would appreciate a brief introduction) so I can start putting together a list of email addresses.

If you fulfill ALL of the following, please do NOT write me:

- You are SINGAPOREAN

- You are NOT:
1) Sage
2) Michael Woo
3) Michael Woo's student
4) My personal friend
5) My ex-colleague

- You are a graduate of WAT, and an ardent fan of C.A.Lim

Yes, I'm hyper-sensitive, hyper-thin-skinned, hyper-territorial, and always going to be disgusted with people who love to see / look forward to seeing others fail. I write my thoughts here and everything about my trading, and I don't like sharing them with HOSTILE and UNKIND people.

Sage, you might want to consider NOT publishing your results too. We may live on a tiny island , but our people are NOT nice at all to each other. You should have somekind of traffic report just to keep tabs on who those reading your posts are. They mentioned you and the comments are not kind. Why are we putting ourselves out there for people who totally deserve to make their own mistakes?

New Year, New Direction, Brand New Project

In the one year that I've started trading, I've heard on too many occasions how small time traders - those who haven't a few hundred thousands worth of trading capital to start with- and those who scalp and daytrade, can't make it in the long run, and I'm getting very sick of such claims.

I'm fed up enough to embark on a 3-year project to show that it is possible to daytrade for a living, starting with a very, very small account.

Here's what I'm going to be doing:

- I'll trade with a starting capital of USD 5k. With that, I can trade up to ten ES contracts, four to five 6E contracts, and three 6J contracts. But I'm sticking with one to two ES contracts, and just one 6E and 6J contract. That's for year 1.

- I'll double my account every 2 months, and whenever I do, I will withdraw my profits, and leave just 5K in the trading account, and I'll continue to trade with just 5k as capital for 12 months. After year 1, I will double my contract size and trade a 10k account. After year 2, I will trade a 20K account and double the contract size that I've been trading for year 2.

- I'll NOT be trading everyday, or even every week. When the day/week is not right for my strategy, I'll not make a move. The bottom line is that (for year 1) I make at least 5K in 2 months - which is totally achievable - all I need is to make - on average - 200 a day or 1K a week, or 4k a month. If I can do that consistently, I'm looking at 8K a month. But I'm taking into account the fact that it's virtually impossible to consistently make 200/day, 1k/week, 4k/month - I might even have losing WEEKS and MONTH, so, 5K is just about right.

- Effective Aug 09, I'll post my statement on a weekly basis, and my trading log and charts on a daily basis

Technical Analysis
I've not done this for a long time for a number of reasons. But I'm going to start doing it again, coz D is going to be swing trading the ES. He's been doing well swing trading/ investing in stocks, and since he sucks at scalping and daytrading, he's decided to swing trade futures. D is a banker with a high profile bank (read: busy, busy, busy!!!). He puts in an average of 12 hours a day into his job (not counting the time he spends on evening conference call AT HOME , and on Saturdays and Sundays), and simply doesn't have the time and energy to do any kind of analysis and research. That's one of the reasons that I started this blog - for him - but evidently, with time, it's become more a place for me to rant than anything else.