Jules Is A Mule (Part 2?)

Oct 5, Monday

I sat and watch the 6E trade within a 2-point range from 3am - 8am EDT. Didn't get an entry.

Switched to TF at 9:40am EDT, and sat and watch it print 5-points up in 5 minutes. Something told me that it wasn't the typical trending day where price hardly retraces 30% before resuming its way up/down. I kept chasing price up nonetheless. Got used to buying high I guess. Anyway, I was right for a while in the beginning, and very wrong after that.

For the life of me, I couldn't understand at first why a day without news (except for that one miserable release at 10am EDT) could get so erratic. Then I realized that a day without news means no edge for the big guys who like to fade crowd sentiments these days, and without them taking the lead, price's just all over the place. To put it simply, don't expect a chart to be normal when the day's not normal (after almost 2 news-packed weeks with different gods talking almost everyday, a quiet day is definitely ABNORMAL).

Took a look at 6E this morning (9pm EDT), and saw that had I waited til 11:30am EDT yesterday, I would have gotten the entry I was waiting for (a fake breakout on the downside, strong reversal up, finishing high at Fib Ext 161.8). Plenty of news from Europe's side yesterday from 4am EDT on, and the 6E chart was anything but erratic. But I had to trade the TF instead and give away 3.9 points.

Am extremely out of sync with market rhythm and spending every minute of my waking hours and using every ounce of whatever remaining energy I have looking for ways to get back in sync.

Don't tell me to step away, take a break, or read Dr Brett.

I'm moving heaven and earth, breaking my neck, and reading Secrets of Professional Turf Betting.

I am aware that I'll probably not stop losing money, and am totally prepared for a losing streak.

Doesn't mean that I'm going to let that happen.

But it's really not up to me, is it?

I'm not going to stop this time coz breaks are simply not constructive.

Really, how does one learn by staying out?

@ LORD TEDDERS (YOU'RE ALIVE!!!), TST, Scalpwiz, Albert C and UF:

Thanks for the notes you dropped. I've run out of things to say in response. Or maybe it's just coz that it's starting to dawn on me that as far as trading is concerned, there's really not that much to talk about. It's all in the "doing". And we can be doing all the wrong things at one point or another and it's so tiring and meaningless to justify each "wrong" move we make. I'm probably going to be doing a thousand things wrong , a thousand times each - and I'm probably going to be jumping from 1 min to 1 hour timeframe within the same day - imagine the explanation I have to do...Just thinking about it makes me feel like I want to puke.

That said, I'm going to continue recording everything that I do. What I won't do is EXPLAIN & JUSTIFY. I'm NOT going to turn comments off. If anyone tells me I'm a moron (why can't I get that out of my mind???), I'm ready with a standard boring "you're an ass-hole" response.

@Sean:

I'm not using TOS. D is the one using it. I use Sierra charts and trade on AT platform. If you're looking for good rates and superb service, send an email to Anthony (Infinity Futures) .
His email address: a.giacomin@infinityfutures.com

For The Umpteenth Time: I'm A Scalper

Total: 3.5 Points

I entered the 1st trade at 9:33am, and wrapped up at 9:54am.

25 trades: 4 losing (highlighted above)

I realized that I've been using all the wrong time frames to trade the TF (maybe even the ES too.... On NQ, I used the tape and 1min last year and it was pretty darn good).

I used to be good at running, and that was because I wasn't using 3, 5, or 10min charts (actually, NEVER 10 min, as I recall)!

I'm doing this for maybe another day on sim.

Then I'm going live.

Afterall, this was exactly how I traded when I first started ie. it's nothing new.

Why I switched to 10min yesterday, I really haven't the slightest idea.

My most educated guess is that I woke up yesterday morning feeling OLD.

I forgot that D said that I'm a 16-year-old trapped in the body of a 37-year-old.

Really, 10min charts kill my brain cells.

So do 3 and 5 min charts.

I can understand using 5min for forex futures, but for TF during active hours, opting out of 1min chart last year was the single biggest mistake I made.

D has always thought that I'm an extremely extreme person.

I guess I'm just wired that way.

Can't learn any other way.

Definitely no baby steps.

Update:
I was chatting with J and told him I was in and out of the market 25 times in less than 30 mins (20, to be precise, and I totally forgot the Chicago PMI data release!). J said that's a lot of work. I said it's the easiest day for me in the longest time. Really, I'd rather focus intensely on my chart for half an hour than to stare at it for 8, 12 or 16 hours. Looking at my charts for too long makes me see things that are not there, and overlook things that are there!

TF Trades 9/29 (Tues) - Hitting A Stone Wall

D's result:

Mine:

Humbling...

What happened:

TF 10min

TF 5min

Clearly, had I used the 5mins, I would have not entered my first trade. I would be expecting a falling 3 method (bearish), and wouldn't have bought. And I would have gotten in at a better price for the 2nd trade had I entered on a 5min.

That there were screw ups on the AT platform hadn't helped. I couldn't get out of my losing trade at 1.2 point loss when I knew it was going awry, and I couldn't get out of my winning trade when I was getting 1.9 points. D asked why I wouldn't use the "Flatten" feature. I don't know. I guess I was just too busy feeling pissed to look for alternatives.

D had a talk with me before we turned in. He commented that I am bruised and yet on the surface I am fighting ferociously and a tad too aggressively - to the point that I would not hesitate to revamp my entire trading method in a bid to improve my results - when what I need to do is really to just go back to doing what I'm good at doing.

And I have to agree. It's just that I'm really not sure now what is it that I have been good at doing.

Pressing on nonetheless.

D said I'm more of an engineer than him. How ironic that we were in the same engineering lectures in our first year, and I was the one that opted out to pursue another degree - despite my very good result in the subjects that bore me the most (ENGINEERING, PHYSICS) - while he stayed and got his masters!

Definitely seeing a pattern here.

Logics Of Trading

D has a BSc in Computer Engineering and a Masters degree in Electrical Engineering and has another major in Accounting.

He's the kind that should totally stay away from trading.

But today, D nets a 1 to 2 point profit on a daily basis trading the TF. His losses are so small it makes me mad. His stop-loss is 7 TICKS. On choppy days, if he chooses to trade, he will lift his stops and use a mental stop instead but he's never lost more than 1 point per trade.

Which makes me wonder, how does a person so logical and controlling manage to win consistently in trading?

When D started trading the eminis, he knew next to nothing about them. Everything he knew about trading the ES and TF, he had learned it from me. D doesn't like to read (again, makes me really mad that he aced all his examinations in university). He doesn't even bother listening to tapes that teach one how to trade. He can put up with a 2-hour session with me once in 3 months where I share with him some of my trading methods, and a 15-min session every evening before the US market opens where I tell him what to watch out for. And that's about it. He paper traded for a few days and has gone live since.

In the first 9 months that he began trading the eminis, he would constantly ask me where market's heading. And I would tell him I think price should be aiming for this and that level. And D will watch. After a few minutes, he would ask again if price was really getting there, and I would tell him that it should unless it doesn't.

Sometimes he would enter a trade based on what I said, and in the middle of a trade he would ask if price's going to hit his target. I would tell him there's a possibility it would, but I really don't know for sure. That's my standard reply to his questions. And he would be totally flabbergasted. "I thought you've done all your analysis??"

Blaming. Hmmm...

And I would ask him instead what his exit plan is.

"What exit plan???!"

I would then stare at him in disbelief and then give him a "you're so DEAD" look that would make him so mad he would exit his trade immediately and storm out for a smoke to cool down.

Once I asked him how much he's willing to give away for the bet he's taking. He looked at me as if I was crazy. He's trading to make money, not to lose money, so I could understand his reaction. I told him that he should take trades based on how much he wants to lose, and not based on how much he wants to win. How much he loses is entirely his choice. How much he wins is not, assuming that he's gone in on a high probability setup (validating his decision to enter).

It took him months to digest what I said. The controlling and logical part of him just couldn't grasp a concept that focuses on "losing" rather than "winning". Every time I hit my 2 to 3 point profit in one trade or via a few scalps, he would ask why I hadn't sounded him out that there were opportunities. And I would tell him that the risk is more than what he would be willing to take.

"But you were sure that price is going there right???"

"Absolutely not. Which is why I had entered on a relatively tiny candle that allows me to use a smaller stop. But that tiny candle is still too huge for you (D can't stand giving away more than 1 point on any trade, while I WAS comfortable with a 2 to 7 point stop in ER2/TF)."

"But you were fairly confident about the trade right, after all your research and studies???"

"I'm never sure of anything, honey, and I don't want you to blame me when the trade goes awry, so, no, I'm not giving you any tips. Go take a cold shower."

And D would storm out to get a smoke.

There were occasions where I have taken over trades he simply couldn't manage (it's hard for me to see D nervous, coz D's almost always COOL) and helped him make profits that he would never let run had he traded on his own. But as much as I can help it, I encourage/force him to make his own trading decisions.

After 1 year of lousy coaching from me, D's now as independent as my cats. On that few occasions that I had wanted to interfere, he had told me nicely to leave him alone and that he's on top of things. I'm impressed.

D's losing days are few, and his losses are in ticks. He takes an average of 1.5 points from the market each day, and he trades EVERY DAY. I took a look at his chart that day out of curiosity, and was shocked to see that nothing on them had changed. Absolutely NOTHING. He has been using the very same charts with the same indicators that I gave him on them (which he doesn't use at all coz I never taught him how to use them), the same methods that I taught him before (he hasn't learned anything else on his own - coz, well, D DOESN'T LIKE TO READ) - mainly bull and bear TRAP setups, failed breakouts, failed flags, failed everything - checks with me about the trend for the day everyday before the session begins, watches for traps, and goes for TINY signal candles (the fact that candles on the eminis have been tiny these days has been a blessing for him).

What makes D an outstanding engineering student (D's NOT an engineer today. He's a slave-driving banker) had made him a consistent trader. He has used logics in a way that helps him in his trading. Yes, it's logical to listen to me coz I'm usually, if not always, RIGHT. Muahahahaha!!!!

Ok, seriously, I think the reason that D is a much better trader than me today (I'm not even trading, and he's been trading daily) is coz D is ok with being BORED. He's not interested in trying out new things as long as what he's doing is making him money. He has been determined in the right way. Despite the many times that I had played pranks on him, and my not answering his questions directly, he had pressed on, believing that he would get consistent one day. Now, he doesn't even recall the silly questions he asked me before (eg. why price hadn't gone where I said it would go). He looks at how much he stands to lose if he's wrong, before he considers anything else.

And yes, I nearly fell out of my chair when I noticed his standard 7-tick stop-loss for the TF. "You mean you can make money with that kind of stop???"

"Yes, honey, you can"

And then he went about doing his own thing, never offering any tips on how he did it.

UNGRATEFUL CREATURE.

D trades on IB mainly, and sometimes on AT platform. IB's DOM is acceptable to him. He looks at just one chart, while I look at too many charts now. I have 3 screens, he has 1. I read too many books, he reads none. I spend too much time watching charts, he spends 2 hours per day - 15 mins before market open and then for about 2 hours when he's trading. I have almost halted all trading, and he is trading daily and has had no losing weeks for 3 MONTHS now.

Something's very wrong with the picture.

Either that, or something's very wrong with me.

JIMMY,
See? Engineers can be very good traders :-)

I've turned comments back on. The community's getting too quiet...

From 3K to 11K in 30 Trading Days

(Update: Just noticed that my subject title was misleading. It read "from 3k to 8K", which is incorrect, coz Michael's profit is 8K. So it should read "from 3k to 11k")

These statements are not mine.

They are Michael Woo's.

After I announced that I was going to show that it's possible to double one's trading account in 2 months starting with as little as 5K, Michael started his own project, and he started with 3K.

In less than 2 months, he's turned 3k into 11K (my math sucks, so do your own - all I can see is that that is more than double the amount he started with).

He sent me his statements a few days ago, as a way to spur me on.

I nearly cried when I received his email.

Truth is, after I stopped posting, I've gone on a trading spree to find out my fatal flaws.

I found them, and I'm glad it wasn't too expensive an exercise.

All of us will have to pay our dues to learn something about the market and about ourselves.

I had stepped out of my comfort zone to explore what is out there, and within me, that could ruin my trading career if I continue to be blind to them.

I did so because I sensed that something was amiss even though I was making - according to D - very good progress in my 5k project.

I have to say, that I don't regret my decision to take a step back to evaluate the feasibility of continuing the project. I recognized that I was making money at the expense of learning and growing and I knew that the result would not be a sustainable one.

Michael, on the other hand, has had many years of experience doing what he's doing now, and is the perfect candidate for an "account doubling" project. His trading result is a clear demonstration of what one can do when he can confidently and faithfully apply his winning strategy in his trading day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.

It took me 2 full days to go over all his trades and I am confident that I know now exactly what he was doing, and how he managed his risk. What he does supports what Carl has posted on his blog recently, which is actually a comment that Ziad has left on a trader's blog that was posted on Emini-Player's.

Michael has kindly allowed me to publish his statement. I decided to remove the details of his trades coz I think that's only fair to him.

I am very fortunate to have Michael as a friend and a mentor. I knew him when I signed up for his basic trading course last year. I paid him less than USD 1200 for a 5-month course (that was AFTER I paid more than twice that amount for another basic trading course which still leaves me wondering today if it was worth it).

Like I said many times before, I have a very short attention span, and always run before I learn to walk, so needless to say, I didn't complete the 5-month course, and instead sat in the intensive 2-day version, without paying an additional cent.

Michael introduced me to eminis last August and took a day to show me exactly how he traded the TF (ER2 back then). I was very much a scalper, and a very ignorant one, and simply couldn't grasp the significance of what he was showing me.

In the 12 months that followed, we would meet up now and then to talk about everything under the sun, and I would hear more of how he traded, and he would tease me about my fear of losing money.

Let me be clear - Michael has NEVER once criticized the way I traded. Whenever I shared my frustration over my lack of progress, he would ask what I was so afraid of, and give very zen response which would take me days to fully digest and appreciate.

Michael is the kind of teacher that makes you think, and allows you to explore, yet periodically checking up on you and providing updates on his own progress (in a way, showing you how he does it), without making you feel that he's in any way imposing his philosophies and strategies on you.

It's taken me an entire year to grasp the essence of his every seemingly light-hearted remark on how a REAL trader trades.

Within that one year, I've made many mistakes, some rather costly, and I gather that's what they call "paying one's dues".

But I don't believe that one has to keep on paying.

If you are really serious about trading, keep a positive attitude and build the mental toughness that you need to stay in the game.

Conscientiously STUDY THE MARKET and seek out a truly wise and experienced trader that has a good heart and temperament to guide you.

Michael Woo

I took a break and went out with Michael, my trading coach.

We talked about many things. I told him that I have been very afraid these days, and I can't seem to snap out of it. Michael asked what it is that I'm afraid of, and left me with these words to ponder on:

"It's just money"

Michael is one of the coolest, if not absolutely the coolest, trader I've ever met. His are the only trading statements I've seen (trainers and coaches can claim how good they are, but without the statements to support, they can say whatever they want and they aren't going to convince me, not anymore) - and each new batch of students sees his months of trade logs/ statements updated to the last day he receives his statements - and they simply confirm my belief that he is without a doubt good - DAMN GOOD!!

I asked if trading is stressful for him. He said no, unless he's trading other people's money, and if he has to explain his trades as he's making a move (he holds live trading classes).

When trading his own account, Michael's NOT trading scared money. He takes his profit and cuts his losses according to what the market tells him. I take my profits and cut my losses based on the level of adrenaline that has built up in my system.

Unlike many celebrity trainers here in the local scene, Michael's extremely low-profile, grounded, and calm. He trades every single day, throughout the US session. He teaches once a week, and he's probably never going to give it up. His knowlege of the market and the instruments he trades is so deep that if you were to ask him what tells him that the market's going up or down, you'll always get the same answer: INTUITION. That's always good enough for me, coz I'd rather have that than his thesis.

Michael said that my postings from way back showed that I had a different approach towards trading then - I talked about volatility, about emotions in the market and such - and I kind of get where he was going with that.

Somehow, along the way I've veered off course and am now desperately wanting to get back on track.

Something that he suggested, which HPT did too, was to really cut down on the number of hours that I spend in front of my screen. Another thing is to go back to look for my edge - a deep understanding of single instrument. Forget fib, forget waves, and a whole bunch of other stuff, he said.

This will be the umpteenth time that I'm going back to my very old postings to grasp what I was really doing then. Sounds odd, but that's what this is about. I've changed, the way I think about and approach the market and trading have changed - not for the better, unfortunately.

I know that this is going to come out sounding REALLY wrong, but I think it's time that I stop looking TOO HARD for reasons to enter a trade, as well as reasons to NOT trade.

When you try too hard, the market slaps you really hard too. I say this from personal experience.

I remember the words I used to use to describe the market: fluid, dynamic, eccentric, erratic. I accepted the market as such then. These days, I try so hard to make sense of it, to identify the structure that guides it, and the harder I try, the more success evades me.

There are a lot of things that I don't know about the market still, but I know this about me: I need to be cool. Cool like Michael, cool like I was before. Nothing else is going to help me. I need my cool back. I need to go back to NOT being able to explain my trades. Yes, it sounds wrong. But what was seemingly wrong had worked for me, and everything that's seemingly "correct" and "proper" hasn't.

Update:

D is a super fast learner. I shared with him exactly what I had written above, an hour before market open, and I wasn't even sure he understood my babbling.

But he apparently did.

He just took 2 points on the ES. FOR THE FIRST TIME, D took 2 points!!! D usually flees with 3 ticks!!!

Sleepless

It's nearly 3am, and I can't sleep.

My trading has sucked since Friday. Even my sim trades sucked big time.

There's just so much going on in the HEART: I feel sad for people, I miss people, and I detest people. It was just a week of emotional roller coaster ride.

Most detrimental was the part where I was reminded for the first time that I am really new at this - something I've managed to push out of mind until the recent saga. While many who are equally new, or have been at this maybe a year or 2 longer have had always wanted to trade, for me, trading was a "hobby" I kind of picked up overnight. It could very well have been Italian, or Spanish...anyway, it's not a good feeling - to have God knows how many out there reading about the silly questions I asked a pompous guru just a little less than a year ago...

Well, to hell with my feelings.

I'm giving posting my daily trading log and PnL another shot. A healthy dose of stress and pressure has always been what motivates me. Without them, I can't move forward. I'm just not the calm and collected kind that is ok with slow and steady growth. I have to put my results out there and myself on the line, while not getting affected by days that I don't perform. It's going to be really hard, but the alternative doesn't seem any better. The right thing to do would be to focus on my long term vision and commitment of course, but it's not something I'm able to do at this juncture. Meanwhile, I can't just sit around waiting for my state to get better. I'll just have to accept that I'm in a lousy state, forgive myself for feeling lousy, and MOVE ON.

I'm giving it a week - I'll be back trading next Monday, and posting my results as I've always done in the past.

I Think I Think Too Much

I had a lot of time to read today, while enjoying the heavenly "Lychee Martini" ice-cream that Seabloke (Please send 12 more tubs Sea! I LOVE YOU!!!) delivered yesterday (real martini! Yummy!!!).

Yup, my very own trading holiday. My AT platform's not up (I start it at 7am local time every day), neither are my charts (otherwise opened 24 hours a day, 7 days a week). So far, so good. Coz all the books I've read today were TRADING books. Ha Ha!!

I keep going back to read this story retold by Bill Williams in his book "Trading Chaos" whenever I feel I'm in the mood for more jumbles (Read every word PLEASE...I had painstakingly typed this out...well, primarily to release negative energy...LOL!):

There was a student in India who wanted to become enlightened. He left his family in search of an appropriate guru to guide him further on his journey. Stopping at one guru's place of business, he inquired as to this guru's method of becoming enlightened. The guru said,"Becoming enlightened is really quite simple. All you need to do is to go home each night and sit in front of a mirror for 30 minutes asking yourself the same question over and over. That question is:"Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?" The prospective student replied,"Hey, it can't be that simple."

"oh yes, it is just that simple," replied the guru, "but if you would like a second opinion, there are several other gurus on this street."

"Thank you very much,"said the student, "I think I will inquire down the way."

The student approached the second guru with the same question. "How do I become enlightened?"

The second guru replied,"Oh, it is quite difficult and takes much time. Actually, one must join with like-minded others in an ashram and do sava. Sava means "selfless service,' so you work without pay."

The student was excited; this guru's philosophy was more consistent with his own preconceived view of enlightenment. He had always heard it was difficult. The guru told the student that the only job open at the ashram was cleaning out the cow stalls. If the student was really serious about becoming enlightened, the guru would allow him to shovel all the dung and be responsible for keeping the cow stalls clean. The student accepted the job, feeling confident that he must be on the right path.

After five long years of shoveling cow dung and keeping the stalls clean, the student was becoming discouraged and impatient about enlightenment. He approached the guru and said,"Honored teacher, I have faithfully served you for five years cleaning up the dirtiest part of your ashram. I have never missed a day and have never complained once. Do you think it might be time for me to become enlightened?"

The guru answered,"Why yes, I believe you are ready. Now, here's what you do. You go home every night and look yourself in the mirror for 30 minutes, asking yourself the same question over and over. That question is:'Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?"

The very surprised student said,"Pardon me, honored one, but that is what the other guru down the street told me five years ago"

"Well, he was right," responded the guru.

Pre-Market SELF-Analysis: To Trade or Not To Trade...

Am checking my mental state to see if I should be taking any ES trades less than 3 hours from now.....

Given that I have - in a single 6E trade - exceeded my daily profit target for a FED week, every cell in my body is feeling an EXTREME reluctance in giving back even ONE dollar of what I've earned today.

A very probable scenario if I were to enter an ES trade : I would lift my stop.

In fact, I am absolutely sure that I would most certainly cancel my stop should price start to go against me.

So, perhaps I should really sit on my hands and just watch the market like I've been doing for the past 3 days....

BUT, if I continue to do that, I will get rusty with executing ES trades.

The 6E has a vastly different rhythm...that's what I feel...being on the 6E for too long without touching the ES makes me a clumsy ES trader, which is unthinkable coz ES is going to be my bread & butter in the long run (you can't put size on the 6E).

Solution: SIM trade!!!

Now I can start thinking about dinner.

Bad Week, Bad Trading, Good People

I've always considered myself a very lucky person. Dad, Seabloke and Pilot love me; my cats are extremely attached to me; D is still with me; my friends don't hate me (I think).

Even my cleaning ladies are good to me. The first one, Mdm O, was with me for 11 years and retired last year. She would bring me breakfast everytime she came, and bought all my cleaning supplies when they ran out (I know nothing about cleaning products). When I brought her to my new home a few weeks ago, she cried when I walked with her around my neighborhood coz she had missed D and me so much....my bad for making the very sweet lady cry....

The second one, Maria, is from the Phillipines. She's been with me for more than a year. I think she has either a master or PHD in chemistry. Maria knows I'm so quiet I'd be mistaken for a mute, and will chat with me only when I look like I welcome a conversation. Today, I looked like I would eat people alive, and so she took the ironing to the kitchen to avoid having to open the blinds (I don't like sunlight). I didn't realize that she was in the hot kitchen until I got out of my losing trade. I felt so terrible I took her back to the living room, switched on the air-con for her, and drew open the blinds so she could iron in there. Then for the first time, I told her I was in a really lousy mood, and the market's driving me crazy. I told her how agitated I've been for the past 7 days, and how my own brain just wouldn't stop pushing me to the edge. She asked if I've considered taking up yoga. And I told her that THAT would really be an ultimate test of my patience. I told her how I have to take a stress relief pill everyday for the past 3 years just to get 4 hours of sleep and to keep me calm in the day. And even with my pill, I'm mostly NOT so cool. Maria was surprised. She said she couldn't tell from my demeanor. I thanked her for listening, and told her that I'd settle for nicotine instead of yoga for stress relief. Ha ha.

I'm not sure if I'm done for the day. I'm down by 225. I would have taken a worse hit had I not realized what I was doing. I was chasing the market the entire day, buying a wave 4 again. I knew I was buying in a wave 4 channel and I had wanted to be nimble...but once in trade, I would get totally irrational and unrealistic about the market.

This is just a really, really bad week. I've been impatient, agitated, easily distracted, and extremely rash with my trading. Knowing that I would do so much better if only I'd get a hold of myself just doesn't seem to help at all.

I really need to calm down before I can deal with the market again today. I've simply got to stop dwelling on the trades that I've missed, and believe that the market's always there. I scalp, so I'd always have many good setups a day, and there's really no need to keep beating myself up for missing a couple of them.

A few have asked if I've turned off comments. I did. LP, I'm turning comments page back on. Lonely's site is for cool conversations and cool gang (since when did Lonely become Godfather? LOL!). ;-)

6E & ES Trades 6/18 (Thurs) - Crazy Day

Cutting a long story short:

D got home at 930am N.Y. time SHARP. We exchanged stories about our day, and coz of that I missed my favorite setup. I don't know why I did it, but I chased (one of those things I don't normally do), right at the point where ES hit major resistance. Covered at 6 ticks loss. And then I did the unthinkable: clicking more than once on "sell". Realized that immediately and bailed at breakeven. Then I entered long right when ES was moving back up to the same resistance level!! Then I double-click on "sell" AGAIN!!! This time I wasn't so lucky. I simply couldn't hold a short at a place where I won't SELL (it's where both bulls and bears can get trapped). So I covered at 6 ticks loss.

Total disaster.

Recovered 200 of the 300 I lost in the next 2 trades.

Total for the day: + USD 87

What a day.

ES 6/15 - After Action Review

On a day that's trending down, I scalp "wave 4"s, which can be either up or down sloping channels. I'll buy towards a MSH (usually the 2nd - can be a lower or higher swing high - the 3rd, if it's a lower swing high than the 2nd, would be a nice H&S for bears).

The mistakes I made yesterday are found in the following list (by no means an exhaustive one) :

1) Scalping during the globex session - price forms miniature legs during the quieter hours, and because of that, I tend to be unwilling to enter at 1 tick above signal, reason being that I don't want to be caught in buying the 2nd MSH (where bears sell, and I become the trapped bull). I tend to buy 1 tick above an outside bar (instead of the inside), which can be 3 or 4 ticks above my signal candle. In scalping, every tick counts. I enter at a lousy price, and that's fine as long as I'm realistic about my exit. Sometimes I get carried away and overstay.

2) Assuming that market's reversing after a significant move down - which causes me to overstay when I buy the 2nd MSH of a wave 4. I get into trouble when I target my exit at a point that's higher than the previous MSH (I don't do that if I assume that what I'm seeing is NOT a truncated wave 5 - but the risk-taker in me tend to see truncated wave 5s....and I had no basis to assume a truncated wave 5 yesterday since it really wasn't a day that bears were desperate to cover).

3) Stop loss was too LOOSE. Even a 6 tick stop is a loose one on a day that I fade a strong trend, let alone a 9 to 10 tick stop.

All in all, I should have stayed away on a down trending day. I could still scalp what I mentioned above, but if I choose to do that, I would do well to heed my inner voice that's always telling me to get out before the bears are done taking profit.

Interestingly, D had sold yesterday (well, he always sells anyway), but always got out too soon, taking barely 3 ticks each time.

When I asked about his setup, he said he would sell when price had touched the upper channel. I told him that's technically not a setup. A setup is one that gives him an edge. If he's selling, his best shots are those where price has broken out of a downward sloping channel - that's because on a day with strong downward momentum, the first 2 or even 3 breakouts are mostly fake breakouts, and bears would take over once bulls stop buying. That means that his best shorts are the ones where price has overshot a trendline (it's where lots of scalpers that buy a breakout find themselves in a market without a follow-through, which will send them covering immediately).

D's best entry yesterday was a few candles after I exited my long. It was the textbook "2nd-Entry" short that I've shown him before (and told him to just trade that setup until he can hold his trades for at least 6 to 8 ticks). The signal candle was beautifully small, so selling 1 tick below would still give him a nice scalp profit of at least 6 ticks.

D used to wonder why I don't sell when I recognize sell signals better than buy signals. I think he finally figured out that I'm playing defence here. Since I know the onset of a PLUNGE, I'm better off buying. I'm not good at reading WHEN selling stops - and since I have a tendency to get carried away, I get caught in selling at a point where market's stop plunging. I find buying better suited to my personality, coz the market's always making an effort to go up. My only problem with buying is that of overstaying, but I rarely get caught in a situation where I get in and the market immediately turns against me.

On the chart above, I have shown only my last 2 entries. The first 2 entries were based on similar premise, except that they were globex-hour trades. After those 2 trades, I had stopped buying once the time was up for a wave 5 down (I was buying a failed wave 5, yes, but wave 5 didn't fail, so I gladly took my loss). In hindsight, I should have just totally stayed away ie. give up all down trending days. But I have a more enterprising spirit than that ie. it will take me a LONG time to learn to be conservative. Only time will tell if insisting on being who I am will pay off.

Trading Is NOT About Winning...

...neither is it about losing per se.

Trading's just business - at the end of the day, all that matters is the bottom line.

Yes, you definitely need to LOVE this business - almost as much as you love your kids, your shoe-chewing puppy, your annoying girlfriend, etc,etc. Anyone who's considering- even albeit very remotely - TRADING (as opposed to INVESTING, and in reference to very short-term trading only) seriously, or is already a serious trader, will know what I'm talking about.

A post on the topic in question (by Ivanhoff , who writes for the Trading Goddess) that I like very much.

While there are heaps of articles and books out there that touch on the topic of "cutting losses" that I've always just outright ignored, this particular article strikes a chord.

Something to do with timing, I reckon.

Yes, I believe in using a stop loss now.

I've traded without it before, and while at first it was good to not have it (means you won't ever be stopped out - you get out on your own terms and in a losing trade, that's always based on how much PAIN you can take; and since I can take A LOT, the "big ticket" losses I've had in the past have been catastrophically disastrous for me - not so much in the monetary sense, but they definitely nearly broke my spirit), a series of good, hard lessons taught me that if I want to do this (trade for a living) for the long haul, I'd have to accept - perhaps even learn to embrace - small losses.

Paper Trading

Am going to do an experiment with paper trading (how odd is that??).

For 20 days, including today, I'm going to paper-trade a strategy that I've used on and off before.

Instead of scalping, I'm going to be holding my trades for more than scalp profits.

I'll be trading 2 contracts, and adding 1 more only when my criteria for adding is met. In other words, I'm scaling in.

My initial stop will be 2 points. I'll NOT widen my stop. I'll forgo any trade that comes with a risk exceeding 2 points. I'll let my trade run until I see my exit signal. I'll use only the 5min chart, with the tape.

My daily loss limit will be $400. I'll be trading round-the-clock; as and when I see a setup, I'll trade. There will be days that I won't take any trades and I will state the reasons when that happens.

I'll be showing all my trades.

After 20 days of paper trading, I'll go live with my "holding" method.

After 20 days of live trading, I'll put up a review on the whole exercise, and that will be followed by monthly reviews. I'll do this until one of these happens:

1) I double my live account
2) I wipe out my live account

If 1) happens, I'll continue to deploy my hold strategy, sans the reviews.

2)'s not going to happen.

So, my scalping days are officially over. At least for now.

D, I'm doing this for you (I seriously don't need to paper trade my "system"; all I need is the willingness to lose real money!!), so you'd better do your 20-day exercise. Penalty for cheating: NO CLEAN SHIRTS & SOCKS for ONE MONTH!

Yes, yes, yes, I'm evil. Tell me something I don't already know.

Paper trading result for today (clearly a case of over-trading):

In black arrows are my long entries; in triple black is where I've scaled in; in green are exits with profits; in red are trades that are stopped out; in pink is a scratched trade.

Stats:
Number of contracts traded: 13
Number of trades: 6
Number of winners: 2
Number of losers: 4
(3 stop-outs; 1 scratch)

Winning ratio: 33%

Average win: USD 475
Average loss: USD 165

Profit (Gross) : USD 337.50

Details of all paper-trades from today on are posted on my other blog ("Jules" on my blogroll).

Will keep this blog for documentation of live trades only.

When It Comes To Trading, Just How Common Is Common Sense?

2 letters (dated a decade back) - courtesy of my broker - from a professional trader to his student (thanks, Anthony, for letting me share them here):

Letter #1

Sorry Bill,

Going have to cut you off. You've really had a rough go of it the last couple months or so and I'm not sure what my p/l was for the small 1 lot trades I did the past 3 weeks but I think it's positive. Here are the thoughts from the outside looking in, not sure if they're helpful or not. Things I noticed just now looking back at your statements.

• Losing days were down more then winning days were up.
• Percentage of winning days was very low.
• Total volume was very high considering you were trading 1 & 2 lots mainly
• Lots of decisions made during the day
• Didn't seem like a plan was in place and you were trading that plan

No Matter what strategy was being used you should have had a few really big up days and there were none. I say this because even the worst of strategies aren't entirely that bad. We've had trend days. We've had chop. We've had huge range days. We've had big reversal days. At some point in all those days in the last month or 2, you should have had some solid positive days. The fact that you didn't means a number of things. Your strategy had to have been ever changing. These results only come about when strategies are being altered on the fly. You were letting your losers ride more then your winners. You were taking profit too soon on winners. You were trading higher volume on bad trades and lower volume on good trades. Your risk reward might not have been enough in your favor to enter trades.

The only reason why I say these things is to hopefully assist you in your trading. I mention these because I have seen tons and tons of traders come and go and I've seen the recipe for success and failure. There have been guys who could flip a coin whether to get long or short and would be successful because of trading a plan. Trade management, money management are key parts to trading profitably. As I mentioned before I had (my broker) set up a program on that account so I can see every order entered and pulled whether or not it's filled. Your actions were a bit erratic. Seems like a lot of second guessing on your part. Perhaps you were trying to be too perfect with entries, targets and exits.

Now your effort is extremely high. You work so hard, maybe even too hard. I could be wrong, but i get the sense that you're looking at 100 different charts and analysis of the same product. different time, tick, volume etc... It's possible to over analyze a product. Try to get too much info. What I think you might not realize along with 1000s of other traders is that trading the U.S. equities markets are the hardest thing to trade in the WORLD. Narrow that even more, trading ES is the hardest of the equities to trade. I truly believe you would have much more success trading currencies or commodity products.

Trading is never a total loss. Everytime you put on a trade it's a success, maybe not always financially, but learning. You're learning what works and what doesn't. How your emotions handle being right and wrong. How you respond to different market conditions. I really hope that you have learned a great deal over the last couple months. I know you're not asking for advice however I have been given some in the past that I think would be best to pass along. In the past when i'd go through a 3-4 month span of losing money i'd do this....

I'd take one product, and make it a product that I hadn't traded in the past few months so I have no remorse or bad feelings towards it (really helped me emotionally to look at a chart of a product that hadn't just taken money from me). I would use ONE chart and ONE indicator. That one chart could be time, tick or Volume, didn't matter. That one indicator could be what ever i wanted (for me it was pitchforks for others it's Fib lines or MACD) but what ever i wanted and i could only be ONE. and that is all i would trade for 20 trading sessions. I was NOT allowed to look at any other charts or variations of the one chart i picked. This really helped me simplify things and dumb down trading.

Each time i've been in a slump the past 8 years or so this has helped me get out of it. I hope it helps you. If you're charting your p/l everyday i'm sure you are seeing the same things I am. Some of the things i said in this email might be totally wrong or off base, i'm just going by what i've seen over the years when people fall into small losing streaks.

My hope is that you've learned so much the past few months and you're really close turning things around. I hope by 4th of July we can revisit this and get you back up and running. I'll throw another 10k in the account and hopefully you can build on your experiences and turn profitable.

-Steve

Letter #2

ok, now the first time i read this story was many years ago. so some of this might be way off but you'll get the idea and understand.

when Cal Ripken was in his 2nd season he got in one of his hottest hitting streaks of his career. he was on a 20 game hit streak and hitting like .400 over that span. in the 21st game, his first AB he hit a double down the left-field line. when he got to 2nd base the shortstop came over to him and said "Man, you're really hitting well lately. you must be doing a great job of keeping your head down, getting your hips through the zone, extending your arms and getting the head of the bat out there" Ripken thought nothing of the comments...

....until he was in the on-deck circle before his next AB. he thought, 'that must be why i'm hitting well. i'm doing all those things the shortstop mentioned' when he walked up to the plate he was saying to himself, 'keep your head down, get your hips through the zone, extend your arms.....etc...' he then went on the have the worst hitting slump of his career. after every game he'd change something small. move his elbow an inch or 2. open his stance a tiny bit. raise his hands. move back in the box. etc...... after a month of terrible hitting he finally turned it around after scraping all the adjustments he had made over the previous 4 weeks.

what i took from this story was a few things. one is the obvious, things he was doing naturally, without thought, worked better when he didn't think about them. the 2nd is a little less obvious.... as a hitter that has made it to the professional level, you're already a decent hitter. just natural ups/downs are going to give you streaks and slumps. just because you go 0-16 doesn't mean your stance or your approach is wrong, you can be doing everything right, just not getting hits. what caused him to be in his slump was the slight changes. that prolonged it.

i view trading the exact same way. you trade strategy XXX and it's profitable. if you go through dry spell where it's not working after a week, a typical reaction is to change entries and exits and scaling. putting different values on indicators etc... i view making those adjustments as prolonging your dry spell. no longer are you trading the plan. Altering it actually creates a while new plan that you really know nothing about and have no experience trading. i think the key is consistency with methodology as well as little, hopefully none, emotion involved.

now, this is NOT taking into consideration that markets change. it's possible to trade a method and after 18 months or so it just doesn't work anymore. that can and does happen. so keep that in mind when thinking about this.

Break & Brooks & Bloggers

There are a number of reasons that I decided to take a blogging break. (By taking a break I don't actually mean that I'll stop writing altogether. I guess what I should have said is that I'll stop posting my trading results on a daily basis.)

Those that are extremely close to me already know that last year was among those I would label an absolutely "nightmarish year". It began bad, and got terribly out of control by May. It was during the worst time of my life that I began to blog regularly. Seabloke and my counselor thought it would be good for me to express feelings I never knew how to express (I remember telling my counselor that I was capable of expressing anger and anger only, and told her that I'd probably be her only patient who was too intellectual to buy into the notion that admitting and showing my vulnerabilities is going to help me move on) via journalling.

So, I had a jolly good time putting up my first few ultra expressive entries in May 2008. After that, I regretted my emotional outpour, and deleted the really weepy ones. Instead of writing about my extremely dark thoughts and negative feelings, I started to write about my trading activities and thoughts about trading instead. Trading distracted me from useless thoughts, and writing about it was beneficial to both D and me. D has always been too busy/lazy to do pre-market analysis, so I did that for him via my blog. Then I began to post my daily trading results, since I need them for review, and I couldn't find a better place to archive them than on my own diary. The rest's history.

Came May 2009, and I was reminded of all the bad things that happened in May 07 and 08. I feel sick everytime I'm reminded that there are those reading my blog that are the eyes and ears of someone I would not hesitate to slap if I were to run into him on the street. I was very close to wanting to keep a private blog, giving access to only the few who started reading my silly entries when I started writing last year. At the same time, I was also starting to become aware that I traded quite differently from the norm, and was constantly afraid of inviting questions that I couldn't respond to in a way that could be understood.

People like Lonely and Solfest would know that I frequently let my losses run and cut my profits short - I let my losses run until I know that I'm clearly wrong. 8 out of 10 times, I'd be right and I'll get out with a profit. I don't take things for granted - so when I'm in profit, I take them. While going over my past trades, it's obvious that my trades suffered a great deal when I started to get too afraid of sitting on losses. I bailed at maximun damage so many times I lost half my account in a mere 3 months.

My trading style would reflect that I've never been able to relate to the term "risk-to-reward ratio". Regarding entry - it was until I attended Michael's class that I learned about the proper way to enter a trade. And on profit taking - I'll cover whenever price stops moving. As far as trade execution is concerned, I can't think of anyone who does it more sloppily than me. I can never tell another person what triggered my decision to enter a trade. I can sit in front of my screen for hours without moving and all of a sudden, I see something, and I jump right in. No thoughts about stops, risk, where to take profit. If I'm right, I grab my profit and wait for the next sighting. If I'm not immediately right, I wait to see if I'm going to be wrong. If I see any signs that I could be wrong, I'm out. If I don't, I stay.

The thing about wanting to nail that perfect entry is that it's a tad similar to wanting to find the holy grail to trading. Sure it would be nice to find trades everyday that offer a 3R profit each. And I suppose a lot wouldn't mind if they have to wait days or weeks for that. But so many times, I see traps set up precisely to catch those who are after 3R profits. You can have all the patience, and all the discipline of an exemplary trader, but once you're after low risk high return/probability trades trading the futures, you'll be disappointed at best in the long run. I can't say the same about stocks, but in futures and forex trading, there's no such thing as a low risk high probability set up. Every entry is inherently very risky, and you will only have 50% chance of being right. Your probability of coming out with a gain is always 50%. If you have a tight stop of 2 ticks for a 2 point profit target, you'll be wrong 99.9% of the time.

That's just my observation, of course. And I actually don't want to be right about it.

That's why I'm studying Al Brooks (But even Al Brooks doesn't have a 2 tick stop. I believe he has an 8 point stop. Haven't got to that part yet, but I remember hearing it on one of his presentations.). Brooks gave me the impression that he has found a way to nail entries that are close to being "perfect". I'm going to have to go over 400 pages of his work to find out what his secrets are. For the past 3 to 4 weeks, I've gone over the entire June contract's 5-min charts to study them candle by candle, and my conclusion is that it's simply not possible to be consistently profitable (I'm not saying that I expect nil losers - that's laughable at best) if the focus is on R to R ratio. The gems are the riskiest trades - high risk high reward is the best the market has to offer. You will see trades with perfect R-R ratio when you do all your backtestings.

Try forward testing instead.

In response to a question over at my comment section, I have signed up for Sierra because I need data from the past 6 months to do all my research. TOS has only 20 days of intraday charts. I have now downloaded 5min charts for the u8,z8,h9 contracts on Sierra. And Sierra allows me to make notes very efficiently on the chart itself. I am now able to do on Sierra analysis and note-taking for 5 to 6 days' charts in the time that I used to be able to do only 1 on TOS.

To cut a really long story short, I'm taking time out to avoid having to think about upsetting events and people, and to do a lot of back and forward testing on concepts I didn't quite use to believe in ie. beautiful entries and money management (to me, money management used to mean NOT WIPING OUT MY ACCOUNT. Just that. Simple enough for me to grasp and follow).

I trade occasionally still, but most days, the only thing I do after market open is to OBSERVE price movements - and take notes of course. I haven't finished even chapter one of Brook's book. It's hard when my tendency is to go back to my charts after reading a few pages to check out the setups.

I most certainly hope I'll be done by June.

Oh, and those following Daytrader 233's blog, he's moved to: http://priceactionscalping.blogspot.com/

There are quite a few others who have started blogging. They should be on my 2 blog lists. If I've missed anyone, please let me know.

Cory, where's yours??? LOL!!!

A Trading Session Filled With "I Don't Know"s

Me Vs Wallstreet's latest post caught my attention, coz it talked about something D and I can definitely relate to.

During yesterday's trading session, D and I started off trading in opposite directions. I kept buying where he was selling. Soon it became clear that he was going counter-trend at the wrong time.

After 2 consecutive losing trades, he started taking cues from me

At one point, when I entered long on the ES, he went in long on TF.

After his order was filled, he asked if price was really going to go up.

I told him I had no idea.

He got a little flabbergasted. So I had to explain that it all depended on whether enough people were jumping in - if there weren't, we'd just gotta run.

I then asked where his "run point" was.

He had no idea.

I suggested that he scratched his position coz I had entered at a place where it would take him just a few ticks to know if he was right - and he wasn't.

He didn't want to bail. So I said fine, then he'd just have to see if price would come back up to a level where he can cover at a smaller loss, or at breakeven, or even with a little profit.

He asked if price would find support at the level I marked "support".

Again, I said I had no idea.

He gave up.

I pointed out another place that he should cover at a loss of 200, or risk 500 to see if price will bounce.

He asked if the long legged doji after the long bearish candle would halt price (I had told him to run after the completion of the long legged doji).

I said I had no idea.

Most of the time, these dojis don't reverse price on a downtrend, and the best answer I could give him was "I had no idea" coz really, I hadn't the slightest clue if that particular doji would be an exception.

He eventually bailed at loss of 400, right after the close of another long bearish candle that came after the doji.

I waited for the bounce, and got out with 300 gain.

D was disheartened, but I didn't console him (yes, I was mean). I asked on what setup had he entered. He gave me a blank look. Then he said it just looked like price was going up. I asked if he recognized that the small bullish candle he was looking at could very likely turn out to be part of a falling 3 method (completion of the method was right before the doji appeared). Yes, yes, I was nasty.

He asked what gave me the confidence to hold on to my position. I replied that I had entered on a very familiar setup, and knew where I would run. Before price got anywhere close to my stop, I was starting to see bear traps being setup, so I had no reason to run. Had it been the other way round ie. bull traps seen instead, I would be ready to bail before my stop was hit.

With me, it was all about seeing what's unfolding at every step and I just act accordingly.

Go with the flow; keep in mind that the only certainty about the market is that certainty doesn't exist.

The best we can do is to be very selective and trade only setups we recognize (coz we've seen them enough times and had backstudied them), accept that this very particular trade that we're putting on could just turn out to be among the 10, 20 or 30% that don't work out, and bail after the pattern we had entered on has clearly failed.

Right now, I'm printing out all the charts with my favorite setup highlighted, and I'm sticking them up on hard cardboards (I bought a dozen really huge ones) so D can stare at the setup day and night. When he starts to see them in his dreams, he can then start trading real money again. LOL!! Yes, he's volunteered to start paper trading (which he's never done!!).

And he's switching to ES!

And opening an account with Inifinity just to daytrade futures.

GIRL POWER!!!!!

Mind Over Market

Found this gem on Jame's blog. A presentation on trading mentality by Mark Douglas (author of Trading In The Zone).

One Of Those Days I Nearly Died

It happened in the winter of 1994, shortly after Christmas, at 10pm Edmonton time. The streets of the heart of the city was surprisingly quiet for a weekend. It's probably the cold that's keeping everyone in. Alberta's winter can get quite brutal. Stay out for 5mins and you wouldn't be able to even smile - I call it the "frozen nerve syndrome".

Cozy in my 22nd floor studio apartment, I was about to get into bed while waiting for D to drop by. I had left my door unlocked, as usual (it was Edmonton 15 years ago, only people who suffer from paranoia lock their doors), and had something interesting to read: lecture notes from engineering class....

I was setting my alarm clock when I heard the door opening. Expecting the visitor to be D, I hadn't gotten out of bed to receive him. 10 seconds later, I had this really bad feeling that the visitor wasn't D. I got up, went to the other end of my bed where I could see the door, and froze when I saw a really tall white man standing right there in the middle of the hallway, WITH HIS SHOES ON MY FREAKING CLEAN CARPET!! And I remember saying to myself, "Damn it! Not the time to worry about your carpet!!!".

I waited for him to make his demand - no screams, no asking rhetorical what-do-you-want or who-are-you or what-the-hell-are-you-doing-in-my-apartment-stranger questions. He assessed me for a while before asking me for my wallet. Great, he really wanted my empty wallet (I was penniless then, owed the school a year's tuition fees, and was living one day at a time without knowing how I'd get by the following day - all thanks to my mother who refused to give me a single cent of the entire proceeds of a house I sold in Edmonton, which I handed over to her when she cried - I can't stand a woman crying - come to think of it, I was kind of glad that my Dad's assets in Singapore were all frozen coz had it not been, my life would have turned out totally different and I would have had become one of those spoilt brats who wastes her life away).

I handed over my wallet and waited for him to curse and swear and hurl his threats. He had covered his face with his jacket the whole time, and when he needed to open my wallet, he told me to get down on the floor and keep my head down. I did as I was told. Not going to piss off someone with a gun. Then I heard him taking something out of my wallet. Strange, I thought, that he actually took SOMETHING out. When he was done, he dropped my wallet next to me, and SAID SORRY. Then he walked away from me, and made his way towards the door. I heard the door closed after him. My instinct was to get up immediately to lock the door. I actually THOUGHT I did it. It was all in my mind. Physically, I was still on my knees. I had spent the precious seconds PROCESSING what had just happened!

In that few seconds that I could have acted to change the outcome of what happened that day, I had used it to PONDER on the coulda-woulda-shoulda.

And something inside me told me that he was going to come back in. He did. And the surprising thing was, I wasn't surprised at all. It was almost as if I knew at the very moment of hesitation, that I would be sorry for hesitating!

He told me that a 100 bucks was not enough for him. I told him he could help himself to whatever he wanted. I was raised to never show fear. I think I outperformed that day in that aspect. But the fact that I did didn't save me. The intruder wanted to see some fear. He started kicking and throwing things around. I let him, and stood by the side, just WATCHING and THINKING. Then he found my jewelery box, opened it, and asked what they were. I took the contents out of the box and put them in his hands. He backed off immediately, and nearly dropped them. I told him those were real, and he could sell them for money. Totally pissed him off. I was really sensing that the guy was getting nervous coz I wasn't NORMAL. He was losing it coz he didn't feel that he was terrorizing me. He needed to feel in control, and I wasn't giving him the satisfaction.

He said he would kill me. I believed him. He was apparently high on drugs, and if he didn't get what he wanted, he would definitely snap sooner or later. I brought him to the kitchen - well, as a Chinese, I surely must have hidden some valuables in my rice cooker or something - coz I needed my plates to knock him out. Then I noticed his height. Forget it, he was too tall, I hadn't a chance. And he kept saying he was going to kill me. Just great, I thought, I had just turned 21, and I was going to die. Then I cursed myself for spending precious time thinking useless thoughts. Focus! I told myself. Get out of this place coz this guy isn't here to rob. He's here for adrenaline. He's a cat playing with a toy and when he gets sick of it he's just going to kill it.

I sobbed to buy time. It immediately disarmed him a little. He stopped yelling, and became POLITE again.

I opened the cabinet on top of my fridge, went under it, and from the other side, I opened the doors of the fridge right under the cabinet. Then I dashed for my keys which he had thrown right in the middle of the living room (which was why I stood and watch at first when he was throwing things around - I was paying attention to my KEYS). When I ran pass the kitchen to get to my main door, I saw him knocking his head on my cabinet door and his balls on the fridge door. Clumsy son-of-a-bitch. I wondered if he was both high on alcohol and drugs, - he had an unsteady stance, and I noticed that when I was WATCHING.

I got out, and ran down the stairs that were right next to my apartment. I could have turned right and knocked on the doors of all my neighbours, but instinct told me that that would be stupid coz the guy would get a clear shot the moment he got out of my apartment Since he was clumsy, I had a much better chance by taking the stairs.

I got out after a few storeys, and ran straight along the hallway, knocking on every door and screaming that someone with a gun was after me. I hadn't the time to wait for anyone to open their door, and when finally got one that answered immediately (probably heard my screams for a while already), and that bastard had to appear at the door of the stairway that I had just gotten out from. Shit, clear shot again! I ran again, down the stairs (there were 2 staircases, one at each end of each level), and I could hear him coming after me. When I finally got down to level 6, which was the entrance to the parking lot, I opened the door to get out.

IT WAS LOCKED!!

I continued down the stairs, went to level 5.

Door was locked too!

Went to level 4.

LOCKED!!

DAMN!!!

All the doors were locked and I was at the ground level. No more stairs to run down. Only a door that was probably locked too.

I turned it, and it opened!

I dashed out, ran down the parking lot, which had 3 basements, and I kept running til I got to the guard house. The 2 guards on duty wanted to bring me to the lobby, and I refused. I took their phone and called the police. A small crowd had gathered, and a few ladies wanted to bring me to the lobby. I went with them, and saw that a much bigger crowd had gathered there. I had apparently woken many good folks with my screams. One of the guards put a towel over me. I realized later why. I was in my very light viscose nightgown - seablue - one of my favorite colors - and it was TRANSLUCENT, and I had worn NOTHING inside. And I was trembling.

Then I saw my captor STROLLING pass the entrance to the lobby to take a look at me. That sick SOB! I whispered to a friend from high school (we lived in the same building, and he was one of those who had gathered at the lobby) that I saw the guy. He asked what he looked like. I gave him a description, but wasn't sure it was a good idea for him to go after him. He did, together with another friend. They were big guys.

Anyway, they got him after chasing him down a few blocks. Pinned him to the ground, recovered my belongings (thank goodness, coz without those evidences, I could easily have accused an innocent man that was put on the stand - coz I definitely had no recollection of the face just ONE day after the incident).

The next day, I was on the 2nd page of the local newspaper - without my pictures of course coz I had refused an interview. It read "Female Tennant TERRORIZED By Intruder". The intruder was out on PAROLE- his FIRST day out!

Recently, whenever I froze when my trade went against me, I would think about that moment that I hadn't gotten out of my shock fast enough to lock the door. I have to bring back the memory of that REGRET that I had felt, so that I would do something DIFFERENT this time - the right thing.

But I have never forgotten the 100 bucks that D had slipped quietly into my wallet the night before I was mugged. He said I was so fierce then he hadn't dared to offer me money, so he could only put it in my wallet quietly. That 100 bucks had saved our relationship over and over. Coz whenever I was reminded of the fact that this was a man who appeared at the most desperate point of my life, didn't look down on me, didn't desert me, did everything he could to make me feel protected and dignified, I would do everything in my ability, and against my very MANLY nature, to be the kind of woman that he needs.

I'm still NOT that woman, but I'm on my way there.

Trader Personality Quiz (By The Lonely Trader's Favorite Dr. B)

I'm revisiting the following from Toni Turner's "Short-term Trading In The New Stock Market" (which I read ages ago and have forgotten totally!):

Dr Brett's Three Dimensions Trader Personality Quiz
by Dr Brett N. Steenbarger
When traders run into emotional difficulties with their trading, they often assume that they have deep, dark, underlying personality conflicts that require therapy. Sometimes this is true, but very often, the source of the problems is different. Often there is a mismatch between the method or system that a trader is using and the trader's needs and personality.

Instead of beating themselves for a lack of "discipline", traders need to ask whether their challenges in following a methodology might be because the methods aren't right for them. Finding the proper fit between who are and how you trade is a big part of finding success in trading.

The following questions are designed to help you assess facets of your personality that are related to the kinds of trading approaches that are likely to work for you. Please remember, there are no right or wrong answers. None of the questions are designed to evaluate your emotional stability or mental health. Rather, we are trying to find out your personal style, so that you can match it to your trading style. Each item consists of 2 statements.

Choose the statement that best describes you:

1a) I often arrive early for appointments and events to make sure I'm not late.
1b) I'm not very time-oriented and often show up late to appointments and events.

1a)

2a) When a problem occurs in my trading, I first feel frustrated and vent my feelings either outwardly or at myself
2b) When a problem occurs in my trading, I first try to focus on what went wrong and what I can do to fix it

2b)

3a) When I go out to eat, I generally go to my favorite restaurants and order my favorite foods
3b) When I go out to eat, I like to try new and unfamiliar restaurants and foods

3a)

4a) I tend to be detail-oriented and try to get each aspect of a job done as well as I can
4b) I focus on the big picture instead of details and don't sweat the small aspects of a job

4a)

5a) If you could hear the thoughts in my head as I'm trading, you'd hear worried or negative thoughts
5b If you could hear the thoughts in my head as I'm trading, you'd hear me analyzing the market action

5b)

6a) If I had a choice of car to drive, I would choose one that is comfortable and quiet
6b) If I had a choice of car to drive, I would choose one that is fast and handles well

6b)

7a) I would be good at following a diet or exercise program
7b) I would often cheat on a diet or exercise program

WHAT PROGRAM??

8a) It is hard for me to shake off setbacks in the market
8b) I take market setbacks as a cost of doing business

8b)

9a) I like vacations that are peaceful and relaxing
9b) I like vacations where you see and do a lot of different things

9b)

10a) I get routine maintenance done on my car when it is scheduled
10b) I don't follow deadlines for routine maintenance on my car

10a)

11a) Sometimes when I'm trading, I feel on top of the world; other times, I feel depressed, or down on myself
11b) I don't have any emotional ups or downs in the market

11a)

12a) I would like a job with a stable company that pays a guaranteed salary and benefits, even if I might not get rich
12b) I would like a job with a startup company that offers me a chance to get rich, even if I might get laid off if things don't work out

12b)

13a) I try to eat healthy foods and get a good amount of exercise and rest
13b) I'm very busy and don't always eat, exercise and sleep as I should

13b)

14a) I trade by my gut
14b) I trade with my head

14b)

15a) I avoid arguments and conflict
15b) I like to argue and hash things out

15a)

Dr Brett's Scoring
Items 1,4,7,10 and 13 measures a personality trait called "conscientiousness". A conscientious person is someone who has a high degree of self-control and perseverance. If you scored mostly a) responses for these items, you are high in conscientiousness. Conscientious traders are good rule-followers, and they often do well trading mechanical systems. Traders who are low in conscientiousness will have difficulty following explicit rules and often trade more discretionarily. Ideally, you want a style of trading that is more structured and detailed-oriented if you are more conscientious. Trying to trade a highly structured manner will frustrate a trader who is low in conscientiousness. Such a trader would do better with big-pictures trades that do not require detailed rules and analysis. Similarly, very active trading with rigid loss control will come easier to the conscientious trader; less frequent trades with wider risk parameters will come easier to the trader lower in conscientiousness.

Items 2,5,8,11 and 14 measure a personality trait called "neuroticism". Neuroticism is the tendency to experience negative emotions. If you scored mostly a) responses for these items, you are relatively high in neuroticism. The trader prone to neuroticism tends to experience more emotional interference in his or her trading. Wins can create overconfidence; losses can create fear and hesitation. The trader who is low in neuroticism is more likely to react to trading problems with efforts at problem solving and analysis. He or she will not take wins or losses particularly personally.

Neuroticism is a mixed bag when it comes to trading. Often the person who is high in neuroticism is emotionally sensitive and can use this sensitivity to obtain a gut feel for market action. The trader who is low in neuroticism may experience little emotional disruption with trading, but may also be closed off to subtle, intuitive cues when a trade starts to go sour.

In my recent expereince, I have been surprised at how successful gut traders are often relatively neurotic traders. Very active trading methods are particularly challenging for such traders, as they don't allow much time for regaining emotional equilibrium after losses. This can lead to cascades of losses and significant drawdowns of equity. It is much easier for the non-neurotic trader to turn losses around, since these are less likely to be tied to self-esteem.

Items 3,6,9,12 and 15 measure a trader's risk aversion. A risk-averse trader is one who cannot tolerate the possibility of large losses and who would prefer smaller, more frequent wins with controlled losses to larger wins with greater drawdowns. If you scored mostly a) responses for these items, you are relatively risk-averse trader. Trading with careful stops and money management, and trading smaller time-frames where risk can be controlled with the holding period, will come most naturally for the risk-averse trader.

The risk-seeking trader is one who enjoys stimulation and challenge. Larger positions and longer holding periods are easier to tolerate for the risk-seeking trader.

Very often, the risk-seeking trader will be impulsive in entering trades and will have difficulty trading during periods of boredom (low volatility). The risk-averse trader often experiences difficulty hanging onto winning trades, and will cut profits short to avoid reversals. This trader will be challenged during periods of high market-volatility. Position sizing is key and often overlooked as a trading variable. Trading too small will bore the risk-seeking trader, who will then lose focus. Trading too large will overwhelm the risk-averse trader, who will also then lose focus.

Ultimately, it is the blending of these 3 dimensions of trader personality, and not any one in isolation, that is most important in shaping trading outcomes. In my experience as a psychologist, the traders who are most poorly suited to trading are those that are risk-seeking and who are low in conscientiousness and high in neuroticism. Such traders often take large gambles on impulse, and very often these impulses are driven by emotional frustrations. An example would be a trader who gets frustrated after a loss and doubles his position size on the next trade just to make the money back quickly.

Conversely, I have seen very few successful traders who were highly risk-averse. The risk-averse trader, particularly one who is high in neuroticism, is motivated more by a fear of loss than a desire for gain. this makes it difficult to sustain meaningful position sizes during promising trades. Often such traders berate themselves for being self-defeating or sabotaging, but the reality is that they might be better suited for investing than trading.

If I had to identify an ideal personality pattern for traders, I would say that such a person would be risk-tolerant, low in neuroticism, and high in conscientiousness. Such traders are generally good at following trading rules (entries, exits, money management) and disciplined in their preparation. They don't take losses personally, which gives them the perserverance to weather losing periods. When they see a good trade, they are comfortable trading in size, so that the average size of their wins exceeds that of their losses.

Finally, let me mention one other important dimension that is related to neuroticism and emotionality. I strongly suspect that cognitive style is just as important as personality style in trading. Some people process information intuitively, relying on gut cues and subtle, nonverbal information. Other people process information explicitly, through reasoning and analysis. Both cognitive styles can make traders money in the markets, but it is essential that one's cognitive style match one's trading methodology.

As one trades shorter and shorter time frames, moving from swinging to scalping, it is less practical to expect explicit analytical routines to guide trading. Very short-term trading is more about pattern recognition than historical research. Conversely, long-term trades often benefit from modelling and statistical analysis that informs traders where the edge might lie. How traders process information most effectively is a neglected variable in selecting proper time frames to trade.

Under each pair of question for the quiz is my answer. Yet to tally my scores - sure gives me something meaningful to do today! Feel free to share yours, if you're game. It will be fun!! LOL!