I've been receiving emails asking for access to my private blog. Some were from those that were initially in that I've decided to exclude for reasons that I've explained in my previous post.
I'm asking again for your understanding. Being out there in the public not knowing who's reading does something to my psychology; even within a smaller community I was finding it stressful to deal with the increasing number of emails I've received asking very specific questions about my trades (yes, much to my surprise, a smaller community actually gave some the impression that I was ready to "open up").
Rather than responding to each email individually, I'm just going to post my reply here.
As I have mentioned, I am in a phase of "exploration" ie I am doing things differently and instead of focusing on "outcomes" I'm paying more attention to how I go about achieving specific goals while doing my best to manage risk at the same time. Sometimes I know exactly what I'm doing and I'm able to explain why I'm doing what I'm doing; other times I know what I'm doing but am not able to put in words the why's and the how's of my actions, and once in a while I'm just firing away rather aimlessly to see what's going to happen. When I'm doing the latter two, I really don't want to have to explain. Explanation, justifications and rationalizations kill the enterprising spirit in me.
I am really very comfortable in my current "controlled lab environment"; I'm trading calmly despite trading rather differently from before. I'm experimenting with charts that I've not used before and can't even say that I understand, and I'm holding my trades for more than scalp profits. I'm tightening my stops instead of widening them, and am inclined to spend more time managing my trades than looking for entries or sitting on losing trades. I am, for the first time, NOT in a constant state of anxiety, irritability and paranoia.
I have, like a broken record, declared many times that I am NOT a people person. I simply cannot deal with situations where people that do not share my values and beliefs decide - to their own detriment - to invade my space. I would play and replay the incidents in my mind lamenting the actions I had taken to silence them. Lately, I've chosen to ignore mails and comments that annoy me. There are so many things that annoy me - faulty reasonings, negative attitude towards LEARNING, UNREASONALBE coach-bashing (e.g expecting to immediately be able to trade with success upon graduation), the reluctance to exercise one's brain faculty and the expectation to be "spoon-fed" - the list is endless. But of course I've NOT exactly ignored them coz the words, the phrases, the ENTIRE letter/ comment would keep popping up in my mind throughout my trading session.
I can't change how my brain works - it picks up clues and the most minuscule of details and starts wanting to fit the pieces into an appropriate unit within an established system - it asks too many "why's" and "how's" and it's not at all selective as to what needs processing (my brain processes lots of garbage). My mind is a very busy place - so busy it needs drugs to slow it down. But the thing is, I don't want to have to change my brain too much coz it does give me an edge in many aspects of my life.
So instead of attempting to change my brain - which I don't want to, really - I decided to change my environment instead. I am surrounding myself with people that I am COMFORTABLE with, and there is no way that I'm coming out here again in a long time.
I'm giving myself 3 months, maybe 6, to identify and define my trading edge, and to learn to trade with LESS emotions. And when I'm finally able to trade without being readily affected by events unrelated to trading, I will open up my private blog.
I'm asking again for your understanding. Being out there in the public not knowing who's reading does something to my psychology; even within a smaller community I was finding it stressful to deal with the increasing number of emails I've received asking very specific questions about my trades (yes, much to my surprise, a smaller community actually gave some the impression that I was ready to "open up").
Rather than responding to each email individually, I'm just going to post my reply here.
As I have mentioned, I am in a phase of "exploration" ie I am doing things differently and instead of focusing on "outcomes" I'm paying more attention to how I go about achieving specific goals while doing my best to manage risk at the same time. Sometimes I know exactly what I'm doing and I'm able to explain why I'm doing what I'm doing; other times I know what I'm doing but am not able to put in words the why's and the how's of my actions, and once in a while I'm just firing away rather aimlessly to see what's going to happen. When I'm doing the latter two, I really don't want to have to explain. Explanation, justifications and rationalizations kill the enterprising spirit in me.
I am really very comfortable in my current "controlled lab environment"; I'm trading calmly despite trading rather differently from before. I'm experimenting with charts that I've not used before and can't even say that I understand, and I'm holding my trades for more than scalp profits. I'm tightening my stops instead of widening them, and am inclined to spend more time managing my trades than looking for entries or sitting on losing trades. I am, for the first time, NOT in a constant state of anxiety, irritability and paranoia.
I have, like a broken record, declared many times that I am NOT a people person. I simply cannot deal with situations where people that do not share my values and beliefs decide - to their own detriment - to invade my space. I would play and replay the incidents in my mind lamenting the actions I had taken to silence them. Lately, I've chosen to ignore mails and comments that annoy me. There are so many things that annoy me - faulty reasonings, negative attitude towards LEARNING, UNREASONALBE coach-bashing (e.g expecting to immediately be able to trade with success upon graduation), the reluctance to exercise one's brain faculty and the expectation to be "spoon-fed" - the list is endless. But of course I've NOT exactly ignored them coz the words, the phrases, the ENTIRE letter/ comment would keep popping up in my mind throughout my trading session.
I can't change how my brain works - it picks up clues and the most minuscule of details and starts wanting to fit the pieces into an appropriate unit within an established system - it asks too many "why's" and "how's" and it's not at all selective as to what needs processing (my brain processes lots of garbage). My mind is a very busy place - so busy it needs drugs to slow it down. But the thing is, I don't want to have to change my brain too much coz it does give me an edge in many aspects of my life.
So instead of attempting to change my brain - which I don't want to, really - I decided to change my environment instead. I am surrounding myself with people that I am COMFORTABLE with, and there is no way that I'm coming out here again in a long time.
I'm giving myself 3 months, maybe 6, to identify and define my trading edge, and to learn to trade with LESS emotions. And when I'm finally able to trade without being readily affected by events unrelated to trading, I will open up my private blog.
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