Prayers For Denarii

Denarii's daughter was injured in a fall...I'm not able to access the link that was posted, but I gather it is a serious fall....

Please keep him and his daughter in your prayers.

A New Beginning

Thank you so much, everyone who has left kind and uplifting notes for me.

I have been doing quite a bit of thinking about certain patterns that I observed in my trading.

Now, how and where do I even begin?

Most of you would have noticed by now that I don't "talk to" you. I write as if I'm talking to myself, and for as long as I'm typing, I'm able to forget that there are those out there who know me and those who don't, who are going to be reading what I've written, coz I've never developed that kind of confidence to "address an audience".

But maybe that's a good thing for you.

Because I'm able to block you out when I write, you always get what I'll call my "raw" thoughts - unsophisticated, earthy, ok maybe sometimes even septic - and a complete picture of my trading activities and performance on a daily basis. Depending on your reason for coming in here, you reap different benefits from reading about what I lay out here publicly: my life - both as a trader, and as someone who is at her very core an extreme human hater.

My thoughts are always not well-organized, always in jumbles, so I'm sorry I'm going to have to ask you to just do your best to follow along.

I want to talk about how I first got into trading.

After having worked in a bank for 3 years, and in public service (police) for 7, I decided that I've had enough of having to deal with people day in and day out. Face-to-face interaction with humans drains me in a way that's difficult for me to describe. I was always ill - migraine attacked me once every other day - and I felt like my life was going to be cut short if I continued to work in environments that require me to see and talk to people.

So, I took a permanent break from work, and enrolled myself in all sorts of courses just to see if I could find something that I could LOVE doing for the rest of my life. I've even attended NLP (neurolinguistic programming) "bootcamps", where I learned to condition my brain to not freak out at the sight of COCKROACHES. Ha!

Anyway, one of the courses I took was a 5-session basic trading course, some time in late 2007. Without any banking and finance background, or any knowledge or interest in investment and trading before, needless to say, I had a hard time in class. Everyone else seemed to have had some kind of trading experience - some were there after having been badly burnt dabbling in stocks, others had been "conned" by some PHD (???) in Options and lost a fortune trading his system that promised 7000% (along that line) returns. In a nutshell, everyone else knew the difference between stocks and forex, what support and resistance meant, they knew their MACDs and MAs, and what nots. Me? I was just CLUELESS.

But I love those candles, and was fascinated by indicators. So after "graduating" from the course, I began on a hunting spree for books and blogs on indicators especially. I played around with them, memorized those candlestick patterns with the strangest names, and started paper trading FOREX and options. I had mixed results, and had a hard time understanding and appreciating the relevance of indicators. I started reading up on chart patterns, Elliot Waves, Fib, and started to notice how everyone's basically saying the same thing, but just in different "languages". I read heaps of other books while paper trading at the same time, completely forgetting about the other things that I had wanted to pick up - spanish, italian, dancing, etc.

After being on the simulator for 6 months, I went live. That was the time that I began to blog again after having shut down my blog for 6 months. Blogging was the other thing that was very new to me then. I put up my first blog post in Jan 2008 - it was a strange experience. I should mention that it was Seabloke who INSPIRED me to start a blog. I was at her place once, and she was sitting on the floor playing with her Mac. I took a peep at what she was doing, and then burst out laughing. I couldn't believe my baby sister had become a blogger - the type that we used to make fun of all the time. Anyway, I was in an adventurous mode then, so I gave it a shot. I think I posted less than a dozen posts before I shut it down 2 months later.

End May 2008 was a new beginning for me - I started blogging actively, and trading live.

The rest's history.

As I was saying, I have been thinking a lot about my trading. What I noticed was that while posting my results did help a little initially, it has caused more harm than good as I progressed. I will not go into the details for now, and will talk more in future posts. Suffice to say that the pressure of having to maintain positive days had caused me to do on many occasions what I usually do when I feel I'm being "controlled" - I self-destruct. All I need is the trivialest of event, a minor irritant, to detonate.

Some call this phenomenon "fear of success". I'm not sure that's what I'm dealing with. If anything, I WANT success, I THIRST for success, and I want to be successful in trading more than I ever wanted anything else.

So, I really don't know what this is about. And I don't wish to dwell on it. What I'm interested in is the "HOW", not the "WHY". I want to know how to stop this vicious cycle of self-sabotaging. So I'm going to start changing some of my routines - among which is the keeping tabs of my daily results. Not only am I going to stop posting them, I'm going to stop recording them.

I am aware that I'll be losing the majority of you who have come in here daily to check out that green/red figure at the end of a trading day. But that's not going to be a regret to me. I have made friends here, and I believe that you will still drop by now and then to say 'Hi'. And that's good enough for me. I've never been one who loves attention from strangers. I cherish friendships, and I actually love to help (surprise!!!). True friends and emails telling me that I've helped in a certain way jolt my heart back to life. Hence, moving forward, this will be the purpose of my blog: to connect with others who are passionate about trading.

I'm not sure yet how I'm going to be doing it. I will definitely not be posting my daily PnL. I will, however, continue to post charts, and whenever I do, I'll post the trading log as well. I think it is important (if my purpose is to help) that people can trust that those are really trades that I've taken - since I haven't earned any credentials yet. I will be posting both winning and losing trades - anything that has some learning values in them.

I might also start posting about how I go about planning my trades, and a bunch of other stuff. I don't know for sure yet.

I will most certainly be writing a lot more on non-trading matters - maybe even some haunting past. For all I know, maybe someday this will come in handy - e.g.when I decide to write a memoir. Afterall, I did have a very dramatic and colorful history.... I could even write a novel based on my life...but I'll have to kill D first since he doesn't actually know everything there's to know about me YET. 16 years with him and I managed to keep my dark secrets to myself...I deserve a medal.

Anyway, this is NOT a farewell post. I never do farewells. When I'm gone, I'm just gone.

This is just the beginning. And I hope that by May 2010, I can finally tell you that I'm confident that I'm on the right track. What I have in mind is not merely a goal. I have a vision, and I'm afraid that for now, only one person will know.

Ziad (SURPRISE!!!!).

Going back to save my trade now.

Intermission

I am not going to be trading for a while. For how long, I don't know. I have underestimated the impact my negative emotions have had on my trading behavior, and I want to do the right thing for me this time.

I will never stop hating self-righteous, selfish, hypocritical asses, and for as long as I keep a public blog, I will be exposed to them - the wolves in sheepskin. I need to find a way to become immune to them, and I need to pick up skills that will help me sniff them out before they can get close enough to affect me emotionally.

I am desperately needing a cure to my most fatal flaw: my inability to live and let live. When I bite, I won't let go. I will see to it that my enemy bleeds to death, even if it's at my own expense. My mind doesn't stop playing the images of people that annoy me, and the only way that it will stop is when I can begin to feel sorry for them.

If I don't get this part of me fixed, I'll never trade with consistent result.

So, as Emini Player has pointed out, I either get my emotions under control, or learn to not let my emotions get in the way of my trading.

Either way, I need time.

Now I'm Really, Really Mad!!! FUCKING MAD!!!

I was going over my bravenet traffic report and saw that someone had goggled "jules taichiseal". So I followed the links, and arrived at this: https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=1205659781589645866&postID=6323668938784973956

To the 40 over people who were here that didn't use to drop by, I hope to never see you again.

To those who claim I didn't have to read taichiseal's blog if I don't like his opinions & views: well, I stopped visiting his site months ago (I have always been very straightforward about this: if I know I'm not going to like what I read, or if I feel I'm going to get affected and influenced, I simply stop visiting the site. It doesn't mean that I hate the writer. I've stopped visiting even Don Miller's site before because I felt I was not ready for what he had to share. I went back in when I felt I was coping better. Don knows about it. I had shared that with him in an effort to spur him on in his blogging endeavor.), it was taichiseal himself who wrote to ask me to check out his own post (POMPOUS ASS!). The same person who claimed I was making too little at first, and even sent me his trading results to show how his method is far more superior, and then a few months later, seeing that I'm making consistent progress - trading MY OWN WAY - sends me a warning that I could be expecting too much.

I know it when someone's sincerely wanting the best for me. I'm more perceptive than what most of you out there can imagine.

I can smell a false teacher from miles away.

For someone who claimed to have started a blog just to share your trading insights with your friends, you were a real busybody to have initiated contact with a total stranger (ME) to tell her how to trade.

Please, spare me all the hypocrisy. Not swearing doesn't mean you are a good person.

You invaded my space first, and I always have been the one to keep my comments on my own blog. Did I ever make a comment on your blog?? Did I even mention that YOU were the one who sent the email and wrote that post?? Did you not come in here looking for a fight????

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE??????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I quote one of your fans who wrote:

"I guess it's easier for those cowards to wait for some Mozilo-tanned asshat broker to sucker them into buying the next IPO than it is to think for themselves.
Anyone who has traded for more than a day knows that your blog represents the truth about trying to "trade for a living". It's the f***ing hardest thing anyone can ever attempt."

I don't suppose you have the guts to tell him that you were attempting to do exactly that: suckered me into thinking YOUR WAY, coz yours represents the TRUTH about trading for a living.

And he's damn right that trading for a living is the fucking hardest thing anyone can ever attempt! So, was that what motivated you to keep tabs on me all this while - to make sure I'm having a hard time, and when things didn't seem to turn out the way you expected you just can't rest until you see me fall hard the way you did in your first year trading your own money (I feel sorry for you that 18 years of trading other people's money in the bank didn't teach you a thing!!)??

You are a classic.

Since you want justice, I'll give you the satisfaction. I'm posting both your post and YOUR readers' comments to save avid blog readers from having to hop around blogs.

Your post that sickens me to death (what sickens me the most is that you keep saying that you're merely using your blog to share your knowledge and wisdom and what nots, and not a word on how you have actually crossed the boundary, hopped out of your blog and came into mine, meddled with my trading for whatever reason I really do not have the slightest desire to find out EVER, and the claim that my picture on blog catalog was what drew you to my blog when I first started trading and blogging one year ago; that screams: like the majority of your fellow Singaporean chauvinistic men, you didn't think I was going to make it and you weren't interested in my trading, you were basically just checking out a chick!! You are nothing but a hypocritical drama queen - the calmer you are, the more it tells me your objective has been achieved and you're simply relishing this - my OUTBURST. And I don't care that this is exactly what you want to see, like I said, I don't care if the people I don't care about get or not get what they want, if I want to rant, I will rant!! You can be the cool, calm, righteous victim who continues to believe in his own lie about who he really is. I will be ME! Uncool and vulgar and all, but at least I don't have to hide behind a suffocating mask! AND REALLY, WHAT IS IT ABOUT MY TRADING THAT MAKES YOU THINK I NEED HELP????? THE ONLY TIME I DID HORRIBLY WAS BECAUSE YOU, THE EXPERIENCED GURU, MADE ME DOUBT MYSELF AND I FELL INTO A SLUMP I THOUGHT I WILL NEVER PULL MYSELF OUT FROM EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!):

Going Private

Below are some very negative comments in response to my post on 5 Fatal Flaws of Trading :=

• "It's utter crap - that one should start out aiming for such a MEDIOCRE performance as simply NOT losing your capital."
• "I do NOT buy intimidation, scare tactics, empty philosophical gobbledygook, "well-intentioned" advice by old timers to make you fall back in line."
• "Yes, F***K them!! Just had to choose the period that I'm doing things right to give "well-intent" warning about fatal flaws, and never a word of encourage EVER (not that I expected it!). But it's my fault that I'm affected. I can't help but be irritated by CONCERNED old timers and vipers.I really HATE false teachers!!!"
• "We have our own beliefs and theories surrounding the topic in question - I didn't force mine on you, and I didn't like it that you forced yours on me, as if having someone to believe what you believe would somehow make what you believe a biblical truth."
• "To hell with people who cannot bear to see others NOT going through the same mess they've been through when they first started out."
• ".. I smell an insecure inferior *bleeping* asshole from a mile away. People who have desperate need for attention. People who need to impose their ideas on others so they can be praised for it. Eww!"
• "Well,giving advice or telling people what to do in blogsphere...is really some sort of ...egotistical masturbation act..."
• "So stop throwing your "fatal flaw" advice in my face!"

Needless to say, I am disappointed to the extreme at this, coming from people who I thought I was trying to help. I do not feel either the need or inclination to reply in my own defence. What I do feel is a weariness that I do not deserve, for sharing my ideas out here in the blogosphere.

I started this blog in Jan08, initially to share what I thought to be relevant to T4L with friends and anyone else who might be interested. Along the way, it has somehow evolved into a trading journal of sorts. I have always been completely open with my ideas, methods, trades, motives. My intentions were always pure - to share my passion in trading with others less experienced and hopefully to inspire them to pursue T4L with some success. For me, the reward has always been a sense of satisfaction in sharing with others some of the joy of that trading has brought me.

By and large, I think my objectives for this blog has been achieved and I have imparted much of what I know about T4L here. Thus, after much contemplation, I have decided to call it a day on public blogging. I have started a new personal blog, purely for imposing trading discipline on myself, and for my eyes only.

This is my penultimate post here. I do not like bad endings so I am working on one last happy post to say farewell to those of you readers who have enjoyed the journey with me. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I'm really sadden to hear that you have made this decision. I'm a young one started out and enjoyed your commentary and advice. your blog is oneof the 2 i look at daily after starting with over 20 I hope you reconsider. If not, all the best.

BH

P.S you're advice of tide, wave ripple has affected my trading greatly!!

8/7/09 10:39

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear that you have received such venomous and undeserved comments. People can be such a**holes!

Have enjoyed your blog and learnt a lot - good luck with your trading. Will miss your blog..

8/7/09 10:50

Anonymous said...

Thank you for a great, productive read. Sorry it had to end this way.

8/7/09 11:08

akikana said...

I have been T4L since November last year and in the initial euphoria of information gathering your blog was one I stumbled across. Through the passing of time I have let most of these information sources lapse save perhaps 4 blogs, of which yours was one. Sorry that this entry has forced me to write - that's more my problem than yours!

Your writing was always balanced, sensible and worth the time of reading ALL the entries. T4L is not easy and realistic goals are tantamount to being successful (both at a trade level and macro level). So many cliches are thrown around regarding trading and most are true. If you are true to yourself, have a plan, have extreme patience and are not greedy, then a living can be made - eventually. A strategy with an edge is important but having a sound and strong mind is much more so.

It took me four months to become confident that my strategy worked and six months to actually learn the discipline to trade it. I will be profitable this year which is hard to believe given the start I had.

Your struggles, successes and knowlegable input through this blog have helped me and for that I shall always be grateful. I am on track for an enjoyable career which will always challenge and stimulate. I wish you every success in your future efforts and endevours...and if you're ever in Tokyo give me a holla, some sushi and sake would be small change compared to the value of information you have provided me!

8/7/09 11:18

ryan said...

This is so sad. Your blog is the first 3 blogs I visit every trading morning and as a reader and fan your blog has been very useful and balanced.I want you to know that you have done great service to me and to many readers. Remember, only eyes that can see value appreciate value. So, please ignore those unkind words that those idiots/clowns/as*hole have uttered. I hope I can read more of your blog. But incase you wanna make it private, I just wanna say a big 'Thank You'.

Ryan.

8/7/09 11:36

Mark said...

Wow - very sorry to read the negative response you have received.

I guess it's easier for those cowards to wait for some Mozilo-tanned asshat broker to sucker them into buying the next IPO than it is to think for themselves.

Anyone who has traded for more than a day knows that your blog represents the truth about trying to "trade for a living". It's the f***ing hardest thing anyone can ever attempt.

As another reader has posted, I hope you will reconsider your decision. Maybe a trial period with comments turned off?

Keep fighting the good fight.

Mark
Vancouver BC

--

8/7/09 12:04

Anonymous said...

I think you are making a big mistake ... I know you are.

If you are truly a trader, then you'll know that walking away from a bad trade is just part and parcel of the game.

Your quitting this blog is as good as saying that you're done with trading ... all because of one bad trade.

What is this going to do for your psychology? Get back in the saddle. Continue this blog and move on. Get on with the next trade.

You privatize this blog and you might as well stop trading altogether. If you make your trades only known to yourself, you will never improve.

You started this blog to put yourself on the line. Continue to do so. All you have to do now is to keep your nose in your blog and not bother with what others say in theirs.

I will send you my email if you want to talk. You will know who I am.

8/7/09 12:21

Anonymous said...

taichi seal, i don't think you should stop writing this blog just because of their comments. you mentioned that you started this blog to share your knowledge and eperiences with the young ones, and i am one of those who have benefited from this.
I am sure that for every asshole that writes those nasty comment, there are 10 others who appreciate what you are doing and are learning a lot from you. By not continuing your blog, you are depriving us of some really important knowledge and a valuable source of education. please reconsider this!! i need you!!

8/7/09 12:40

Anonymous said...

MB,
No good deed goes unpunished.
Is this person Judas to your Jesus?

Yet, under the fell clutch of circumstance,
You have winced and cried aloud.

Your huckleberry of those dark days;
Invictus, you should rediscover.
yba

8/7/09 12:54

Anonymous said...

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;

Then we will have the privilege of reading your musings and insights again.

8/7/09 13:21

RMD said...

I can understand where you're coming from, and I, for one, will miss you.

I can understand your reaction. In fact, I wonder if high quality "volunteer" (i.e., non-commercial) blogging will persist into the future because it is largely a thankless task.

A while ago, I questioned your decision not to use fundamentals. Your response still sticks with me, as I think about it frequently, and use it to reflect on my trading.

So, you have planted some seeds. You may not see them bloom, but I thank you.

8/7/09 16:06

Anonymous said...

Sad to see you go. I am so surprised at the venomous response to your link. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, thats what diversity is all about. No One is forcing you to read this blog. Don't let the vocal minority drown out the silent majority! Despite trading professionally at various major institutions for the last 16 years, I have always appreciated your honest views on this blog and I have learnt alot from it. I respect your decision to take this private. Thanks for sharing the last 2 years with us. It has been a good journey.

8/7/09 16:26

MrBigHit said...

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, don't stop writing, it's highly informative, and it had motivated to start my own trading blog, whilst also giving me the courage to become a more disciplined trader.

I feel that the shutting down of your blog is exactly what your critics are aiming for - a anarchistic victory for them but a great public loss to you and the not so obvious readers that probably should constantly remind you of what a good job you're doing for the trading community.

It is still your choice to leave us, but isolation from your work is perhaps the final straw before a man could go insane - please keep in touch with the newbie traders like myself!

8/7/09 16:26

Taichiseal said...

Guys guys .. I am still here, trading as always. And I have given you my best secret for success in post #1072 = Strive for trading excellence so you can make the truly important people in your life happy. Lets celebrate. Don't be sad please.

8/7/09 16:36

TD said...

Very said to hear you're going to close the blog. Was reading it daily and had learned a lot from your posts. Hope to hear from you again - maybe later.
Thomas

8/7/09 18:56

canuckinvestor said...

Sorry to hear you deciding to stop -- I enjoyed your blog. I should note to the other commenters that these comments that Taichiseal quoted are all from a single blogger in her own personal blog, and not a slew of "anonymous cowards".

9/7/09 00:33

I Think I Think Too Much

I had a lot of time to read today, while enjoying the heavenly "Lychee Martini" ice-cream that Seabloke (Please send 12 more tubs Sea! I LOVE YOU!!!) delivered yesterday (real martini! Yummy!!!).

Yup, my very own trading holiday. My AT platform's not up (I start it at 7am local time every day), neither are my charts (otherwise opened 24 hours a day, 7 days a week). So far, so good. Coz all the books I've read today were TRADING books. Ha Ha!!

I keep going back to read this story retold by Bill Williams in his book "Trading Chaos" whenever I feel I'm in the mood for more jumbles (Read every word PLEASE...I had painstakingly typed this out...well, primarily to release negative energy...LOL!):

There was a student in India who wanted to become enlightened. He left his family in search of an appropriate guru to guide him further on his journey. Stopping at one guru's place of business, he inquired as to this guru's method of becoming enlightened. The guru said,"Becoming enlightened is really quite simple. All you need to do is to go home each night and sit in front of a mirror for 30 minutes asking yourself the same question over and over. That question is:"Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?" The prospective student replied,"Hey, it can't be that simple."

"oh yes, it is just that simple," replied the guru, "but if you would like a second opinion, there are several other gurus on this street."

"Thank you very much,"said the student, "I think I will inquire down the way."

The student approached the second guru with the same question. "How do I become enlightened?"

The second guru replied,"Oh, it is quite difficult and takes much time. Actually, one must join with like-minded others in an ashram and do sava. Sava means "selfless service,' so you work without pay."

The student was excited; this guru's philosophy was more consistent with his own preconceived view of enlightenment. He had always heard it was difficult. The guru told the student that the only job open at the ashram was cleaning out the cow stalls. If the student was really serious about becoming enlightened, the guru would allow him to shovel all the dung and be responsible for keeping the cow stalls clean. The student accepted the job, feeling confident that he must be on the right path.

After five long years of shoveling cow dung and keeping the stalls clean, the student was becoming discouraged and impatient about enlightenment. He approached the guru and said,"Honored teacher, I have faithfully served you for five years cleaning up the dirtiest part of your ashram. I have never missed a day and have never complained once. Do you think it might be time for me to become enlightened?"

The guru answered,"Why yes, I believe you are ready. Now, here's what you do. You go home every night and look yourself in the mirror for 30 minutes, asking yourself the same question over and over. That question is:'Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?"

The very surprised student said,"Pardon me, honored one, but that is what the other guru down the street told me five years ago"

"Well, he was right," responded the guru.

Officially Angry For The First Time In 6 Months

I won't be posting my trades until I can get the face of the people that have pissed me off and hindered my progress out of my fucking mind.

It took me a very long time to get my confidence back and to start trading MY way again. So I sure as hell do not appreciate being derailed AGAIN, and I definitely do not appreciate receiving their emails!!

To hell with people who cannot bear to see others NOT going through the same mess they've been through when they first started out.

I trade with a decent amount of sensibility. I am NOT a gambler. I have no sophisticated risk management method, but it's simple and effective enough to keep me from wiping out my account EVER. I have a method that has worked for me so far. I don't think of getting 200% returns - 100% yes - which is totally reasonable and achievable for DAYTRADERS! I don't rest enough and spent almost all my waking hours studying the market and the instruments I trade!

So stop throwing your "fatal flaw" advice in my face!

Yes, I am emotional. And I always will be. But I will still continue to trade.

BITE ME!!!

6E Trades 7/6 (Mon) - Fatal Flaw #3

Not going to be able to save my trades today - the tape's alien - so I'm wrapping up.

There's nothing to be learned.

I willfully let a 250 gain turn into a 800 loss, because I'm ANGRY.

That's all there is to it.

I had moved my stop to take profit, only to cancel it almost immediately after I moved it each time. My mind was not on my trades the whole time. The only thing I could process was how pissed I was. The better part of me kept coaxing the no-good part to CALM DOWN - to no avail of course.

To you naysayers out there: take your trophy; you won - this is the day you've been waiting for for a while now, so CHERISH it.

Trades 7/3 (Fri) Wrap Up & Lonely Trader's Interview

This hasn't been the easy week that I thought it would be, so I'm treading carefully. There was just one good entry for me after the first 2 trades today. I didn't take it. I've used up my physical and mental energy for the week, and was afraid that if I did take that trade, I wouldn't have what it takes to see it through.

Someone sent me a link today on the 5 fatal flaws of trading coz he thought/ thinks I'd find it relevant to my trading.

I'm not going to post the link - there's so much written on what traders SHOULDN'T be doing, and what kind of people SHOULDN'T be trading, one can easily find the material by googling.

I'm bringing up the issue because I'm feeling indignant.

I believe in positive reinforcement, positive thinking, positive attitude, good karma, and HARD WORK.

I do NOT buy intimidation, scare tactics, empty philosophical gobbledygook, "well-intentioned" advice by old timers to make you fall back in line.

Above all, I do not buy the "fact" that 90% of all new traders fail because they have aimed for more than ZERO percent return.

It's utter crap - that one should start out aiming for such a MEDIOCRE performance as simply NOT losing your capital.

Whatever works for or happens to one trader does not necessarily apply to another.

We walk our own unique journey.

I appreciate all the help I've received, and I thank folks like Cory, Jack W, Leon, Lonely, Lord Tedders, Solfest, and many others, with all my heart. You always encourage, motivate, and inspire, and thoughts of you always put a smile on my face.

For those who are concerned that I'm at risk of blowing up my account - don't be. Your concern is baseless. I am NOT you. I will get what I want, whenever I want it. Just watch me.

On a lighter note, another of my favorite things - The Lonely Trader - was interviewed by Tim Bouquin! Check out his blog (don't skip the comment section!!) for details and the link to his interview (a gem!!).

Trades 7/2 (Thurs) - Jules Is A *#$^*#!*@!!!!!!!!!

My day sucked. It all started with me not taking a USD 200 profit. Ended up taking an 11-tick loss instead. Took me 2 scalps to recover all 11 ticks, only to give back 5 ticks on the last trade.

Why am I despising 200-dollar profit??? I BOUGHT on a down day - I should be happy that I'm getting 200!

Then I had to stay up for a market that's NOT moving, in the hope of recovering that 5 miserable ticks. Can't believe how much I hate having a red day. It's not like I haven't had them before!

I'm going to call it a night. My internet connection went down for a long time before I realized I have a mobile network device that I can use. But that device crashed my computer and took me ages to start it up again. Called up my internet service provider - StarHub - and totally didn't manage to get through. For almost an hour we waited - no response.

STARHUB, YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why do you have to carry out maintenance on weekdays??? AND, why am I paying you monthly fees for a standby that doesn't work??? And it crashed my pc!!! You're a plague!!!!!

D's lodging a formal complaint.

The universe is against me AGAIN. It's punishing me for being GREEDY!!!

J, how did you know that I was going to call myself a pig???
Thanks for the lovely NG pictures. Put a smile back on my face.

Trades 7/1 (Wed) - Wrap Up

Still not hitting daily target for a supposedly good week (for me), but I'm not going to be too bothered. Targets are meant to be unattainable anyway. Ha.

Will continue to skip the ES. Tomorrow's likely to be a crazy day.

Not trading the 6E next week. Going back to ES, and will need all the sleep I can get before the US market opens.

I did something horrible today. I gave D trade signals. He took them - well half of them to be precise. He took the entry signals but not the exit, and overstayed. Because of the first loss (I'm going to have to stop thinking aloud, coz when I do, D takes it that my ideas are actionable and actually trades them!), I felt I needed to help him recover his loss, and he felt he needed MORE ticks to make up for his loss. Bad. He had refused to take 1-point profit when I asked him to get out, and ended up scratching. That's it. No more telling him when to get in. He does so much better when left on his own.

I'm done for the day. Will see what unfolds in the 6E tomorrow. If I have to stay on the sideline, I will.

6E Trade 7/1 - 1.4000

Yes, I bought a wave 4 in a downtrend.

But this is a HUGE wave 4.

Price tested low from yesterday, and bounced off that level with a strong bullish reversal pattern, which gave me a reason to stay put instead of scratching my trade after price turned against me almost immediately after my order was filled.

The extremely long bearish candle that extended below trendline support gave me yet another reason to bet on a downtrend that has exhausted itself, and that price is reversing to test the day's high at 1.4052.

Finally, and probably the KEY reason that had kept me holding my position for..let me see...nearly 3 hours (!!!!) was the number 1.4000.

Trades 6/30 (Tues) - Still Loving 6E

6E

Momentum: Chop, then Down

Blue Arrow: Loser
Green Arrow: Winner

Highlight of the day: my first trade. It was one of those blunders I can't seem to stop making. Put a stop order to buy before candle closed. Usually I'd do that seconds before. Today, I forgot my counter. Entered a tick above way before candle closed - it closed exactly there, and I knew I was in trouble. Price went down to take out my stop without ever going back to my entry price. The 2nd trade was an attempt to immediately get something back from the market to placate myself. An even more stupid mistake than the first.

Turned out that it was good to have D around after all. He saw the red 212 on my 6E DOM, and in the midst of his conference call, he gave 6E the middle finger and a really dirty look for upsetting me early in the morning. I couldn't stop laughing.

We had sushi takeout to celebrate D's birthday. He's now busy sending thank-you replies to friends that sent him birthday wishes via facebook. But he still managed to get his 2 ticks. Yesterday, he took 4 ticks while in the middle of a conference call. Absolutely the King of Multi-tasking.

Am still staying out of ES. It's a DOWN day for crying out loud.

Trades 6/29 (Mon) - Manic Monday Wrap Up

6E

Used all my 6E gains for the day to make ONE statement.

Last trade was based on NO setup. Got my context and direction right, but without a setup, my entry was lousy. Sure as hell was exciting - not knowing what I was doing. I covered just before price turned back up coz that's the max loss I was willing to take for this clueless trade.

So, I need setups, not excitement.

Like I said, I missed my ES setup. Not chasing. Not selling. So, no trade. And feeling perfectly ok.

EP,
Removing my post about Ziad. I read it again. It does sound really mean. And perhaps even unfair to him.

Trade 6/26 (Fri) - Wrap Up & D's Foot

D had a surgical procedure done on his foot this morning, and is not going to be able to walk for a week. For some strange reason, I find his foot very tempting.......TO STEP ON!!

D's annoying. He had refused to cancel his meetings, and since he couldn't hold them in his office, he decided to hold conference calls at home! I served lunch, helped him set up his make-shift office, and while he was on call, I took the chance to enter a 6E trade. Couldn't focus, ended up scratching, and that precipitated a migraine attack that kept me away from my screen for the rest of the Europe hours.

After dinner, whenever I mentioned I was going to see if I can get in on the ES, D would sing me this dreadful rendition of the theme song for a famous HK variety program, and I would burst out laughing each time... totally unable to FOCUS. Missed my 6-tick (which I would have gotten on the 3rd candle after market opened) winner!

So when D wanted to enter short at 913.5, I told him it was going up. D took my word for it - even though he recognized the 2nd entry plus partial rise setup. ES went about 3 points down. Since D was always just aiming for 3 ticks, he was pissed.

But I was PLEASED!!!

To add insult to injury, I remarked that if he had had so much conviction, he wouldn't have hesitated just coz I said it was going up.

I'm HAPPY that I'm ME AGAIN!! LOL!!!!

Anyway, D's up about 300 for the week (that's a lot for someone who aims for one to two 3-tick winners a day), and I'm up 800, so we are not going to kill each other over a few ticks.

Well, actually, I can kill D, but D can't kill me YET. He needs me to bathe him, and wheel him to our smoking corner for his nicotine fix for an entire week.

Hur hur hur.....

Trades 6/25 (Thurs) - Wrap Up

Stayed out as planned. I'm not upset that I could have easily gotten another 150 had I gone in.

Really, I'm not upset.

&$#%*$#**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SIMULATED TRADING

As usual, I'm not aiming for multiple points (tough like hell to achieve - on something that's traded more by computers than by human beings). 12 ticks is about max that I'd target for. During a week that I had projected to lean towards bearishness, my max target would not be more than 8 ticks. So 6 is about right.

Definitely still working towards consistency and finally multiple CONTRACTS.

Pre-Market SELF-Analysis: To Trade or Not To Trade...

Am checking my mental state to see if I should be taking any ES trades less than 3 hours from now.....

Given that I have - in a single 6E trade - exceeded my daily profit target for a FED week, every cell in my body is feeling an EXTREME reluctance in giving back even ONE dollar of what I've earned today.

A very probable scenario if I were to enter an ES trade : I would lift my stop.

In fact, I am absolutely sure that I would most certainly cancel my stop should price start to go against me.

So, perhaps I should really sit on my hands and just watch the market like I've been doing for the past 3 days....

BUT, if I continue to do that, I will get rusty with executing ES trades.

The 6E has a vastly different rhythm...that's what I feel...being on the 6E for too long without touching the ES makes me a clumsy ES trader, which is unthinkable coz ES is going to be my bread & butter in the long run (you can't put size on the 6E).

Solution: SIM trade!!!

Now I can start thinking about dinner.

6E Trade 6/25 (Thurs)

Momentum: UP (Channel)

Trade: 1 - winner

That's all the 6E I'll have for the day. It should start to get crazy in about 2 - 3 hours...

Trades 6/24 (Wed) - Wrap Up

Still staying away from ES. Will probably be back trading it tomorrow. About time to stay away from 6E, which is really starting to drain me.

Done and dusted for the day. Time to clear my emails!

6E Trades 6/24 (Wed) - Crazy 6E

Trade #1 & 2

Trade # 3 & 4

Momentum: Chop, CHOP, CHOP!!!

Blue Arrow: Loser
Green Arrow: Winner

The 6E's all over the place since last Friday. Tape's crazy, candles are crazy, and it's absolutely impossible to enter a stop order without feeling like you're going to be trapped. Limit order (something that I'm not accustomed to using) seems to be the way to go for now.

Support and resistance are still reliable (in fact, about the only things that are reliable on the chart!) and I'm starting to buy at places I usually wouldn't (ie. when candle says "no go", but price is at support). I could have chosen to stay out, of course. Which I think is what I'm going to be doing for the rest of the day, if I could.

Trades 6/23 (Tues) - Wrap Up

Calling it a day. No ES trades - too tired to wait for a reversal.

Dinner was good, and D gave a card that made me tear. Best birthday in years. I'm happy!